One unexpected predicament that some birthmothers and adoptive parents may have to face initially after relinquishment is a change in the relationship between them. It’s almost a shift, so to speak and it happened in our relationship.

During my pregnancy I became very close to S, A, and N, but I was closest to A. I really wanted to get to know the family well before Charlie was born as I thought it might make things less awkward later down road. A went to doctor’s appointments with me, we talked on the phone at least daily, and probably saw each other at least once a week. I spent a lot of time just hanging out with A and her family on the weekends. During that time, A and I began to form a friendship. Sure the friendship started because I was making an adoption plan and placing my baby with her family, but we talked about other things besides adoption.

I have seen many birthmothers and adoptive mothers form this type of relationship/friendship during pregnancy. The predicament comes along after the baby is born when the closeness and dynamics of the relationship between the adoptive family and the birth mother may change a little bit.

It wasn’t intentional on anyone’s part but it is something that we faced. Suddenly, A didn’t have time to talk on the phone as much anymore because she had a baby to take care of. I was worried that not only had I just lost my baby but I would be loosing a close friend too.

Luckily though, we were able to make things work. I was open with A about my fear of loosing not only Charlie but my friendship with her as well and she was able to reassure me that we would work to make sure that didn’t happen and more importantly, we did. While there was an initial shift in our relationship, it definitely has continued and grown.

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