Jan recently did a wonderful blog about being PC, or politically correct, when writing in the adoption world. She definitely has a valid point. Persons from all sides of the adoption experience have sensitive, or flag words and phrases that can feel down right wrong, judgmental or offensive to them when reading adoption related writing. I really enjoyed Jan’s tips very much and found them to be helpful advice to those of us who are writing to a varied, adoption experienced audience.

The whole idea was so interesting to me that I wanted to expound on it a little and share a few of my own thoughts. I have read (and perhaps unintentionally written ) things that in my own experience elicit upset feelings among such a specifically sectioned group as adoption readers. It is not that I plan to offend, as I am sure others who have written them also may not, but every day is indeed a learning and ongoing process. Just a few of the things I have taken special interest to note here, I am sure there are many others. These have just been some of the most obvious to me since I have begun writing.

People do take offense (and rightly so) if others address an expectant mother who is considering placing a “birthmother.” Such a mother is still the only mother (and not yet a birthmother) until she has made such a choice and actually signed papers to place her child for adoption. People also do not care for the media portraying scam artists as “birthmothers.” Those who might never even have been pregnant let alone placing a baby, yet fooled potential adoptive parents out of money and or trust by posing as “birthmothers.” Who can blame them as it certainly sheds a unfair bad light on the real birthmothers out there. This also seems to go along with the negative perception that people can have about a woman who has become a birthmother. You often hear a lot of “oh I could never do that” sort of talk that generalizes the whole experience based on the spouter’s perception and it is indeed offensive.

Many adoptive or would be adoptive parents have their ideas of what feels right, or PC, as well. Being called an “adopter” can upset me. Something in the tone of it almost sounds like “abuser” and so most adoptive parents I am familiar with do not care for it either. This plays into the whole long standing “real parent” thing as well. All sets of parents are real and the need by others to catagorize some of us as “not real” in suggestion is offensive. Personally I do not even care to be distinguished as an adoptive mom, unless it is in a venue such as this one. A prefer to be just mom.

Adoptees must also have their own perspective too on what can be offensive. Perhaps the concepts that they need feel grateful about adoption to their adoptive parents, or that they should feel extra loved because they were placed by their birthparents are offensive in nature. Who could dispute that as both things imply a way they should be thinking about a circumstance that they had no control over. Everyone views through their own unique lens.

Going into any interaction I guess it is important to be flexible and understanding of different points of view. Adoption issues being particularly sensitive because of the varied emotional nature of the experience, deserve our honest and caring consideration when we address them.