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It’s upsetting when a visit is cancelled but it does happen. You know how life is – kids get sick, parents get sick, you can’t get off work, emotional issues arrive, things pop up – life can be hectic and crazy so there are going to be times in an open adoption in which visits may have to be cancelled.
In the past seven years, we’ve only had to cancel visits a few times and I know that A understands (and vice versa if she is the one doing the cancelling), but I always feel guilty when I am the one doing the cancelling. And she’s mentioned the same to thing to me after she has been the one doing the cancelling. But there are times that it just unavoidable – that’s just a part of life.
What should you do if you have to cancel a visit?
1. Let the other person know as soon as possible. Don’t just be a no-show (unless you are in accident or something obviously) but give the other person a call as soon as you realize that you are not going to be able to make the visit.
2. Explain why you are cancelling. If it is because you are having a hard time dealing emotionally but don’t want to go into a lot of detail about it, then simply say that.
3. When you call to cancel, try to choose a date to reschedule. I find this really important when we have had to cancel visits. I do better when we do not leave things open ended and I know when the next visit will be.
4. You may also wish to talk to your child if you are the one doing the cancelling. When I recently had to reschedule a visit because Noah wasn’t feeling well, after I explained things to A, I asked to speak with Charlie and told him what was going on. I could tell that he was disappointed which crushed me, but I was glad that I had asked to talk to him, and he got to hear from me that I had to cancel and reschedule.
So if you have to cancel a visit, be courteous and let the others know, but don’t beat yourself up for it. Stuff happens – that’s life.
Wow, it is perfect that you wrote this now. I just found out the other day that I am now unable to have my visit with my little guy on his birthday! I felt awkward calling them, so I told them in an email–we normally email more than call so it felt better. They were fine with it and even offered to drive out here to my work for when I get out and we can do dinner or something, so it was nice. Just stinks that I can’t spend his birthday with him although they were the ones to ask us. /o: