It can be upsetting to me as a birthmother when a visit gets cancelled whether it is me doing the cancelling or Charlie’s Mom; but it does happen from time to time for a myriad of different reasons such as someone got sick, there was an emergency, something else came up that could not be done at a later time, something happened at work, you’re struggling emotionally at that time and can’t handle a visit; just to name a few.

In the six years that Charlie has been born and we’ve had an open adoption arrangement, we’ve only had to cancel visits a few times and I know that A understands (and vice versa if she is the one doing the cancelling), but I always feel so guilty when I am the one doing the cancelling. But there are times that it just unavoidable – that’s just a part of life.

What should you do if you have to cancel a visit?
Let the other person know as soon as possible. Don’t just be a no-show (unless you are in accident or something obviously) but give the other person a call as soon as you realize that you are not going to be able to make the visit.

Explain why you are cancelling. If it is because you are having a hard time dealing emotionally but don’t want to go into a lot of detail about it, then simply say that.
When you call to cancel, try to choose a date to reschedule. I find this really important when we have had to cancel visits. I do better when we do not leave things open ended and I know when the next visit will be.

You may also wish to talk to your child (depending on their age)if you are the one doing the cancelling. When I recently had to reschedule a visit because Noah wasn’t feeling well, after I explained things to A, I asked to speak with Charlie and told him what was going on. I could tell that he was disappointed which crushed me, but I was glad that I had asked to talk to him, and he got to hear from me that I had to cancel and reschedule.

So if you have to cancel a visit, be courteous and let the others know, but don’t beat yourself up for it. Stuff happens – that’s life.

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Photo Credit: Coley S.

Related Posts:
The Importance of Visits
Cancelling an Open Adoption Visit