Once you have adopted a child and agreed to an open relationship with one or both birthparents it can be difficult to know just how to get things started. When you first arrive home as a new family and are in the midst of learning all about your new child, it is still very important to stay connected with his or her birthparents. Making a relationship will take time and effort and it also involves honoring each person’s unique role in the child’s life.

There are little things you can do to keep communication flowing in those early days as you go about the business of family life that will mean so much to your child’s birthfamily and your budding relationship. Giving your child’s birthparents chances to see that your baby is doing well, healthy, growing and loved will help them feel things are going as they had planned when they made the difficult decision to place. Birthparents will also often follow your cues about the level of contact that works best for all of you. If you encourage them to communicate often and in various ways you will be moving things forward for everyone much more quickly. It’s really up to you as adoptive parents to get things flowing.

Some seemingly small things you can do that will make a huge difference could include...

*Sending a copy of the stats you receive when you visit the Doctor for checkups with your child. Sometimes they will write weight, length and other growth info on a special paper or sticker for new moms to take home, ask for an extra copy for your child’s birthparents.

*Save drawings, doodles, art work, and perhaps even an extra clipping from a first haircut to send along with pictures and updates. If you don’t wish to save every tooth the “Tooth Fairy” comes for you might ask if birthparents would like them for any keepsake book they are assembling.

*When your child outgrows a small toy or favorite article of clothing consider sending it to her birthparents as a special remembrance for them of this time in their childhood.

*Assemble a small photo album every so often with removable post-its on the sleeve describing something about what is happening in the photo, or what went on that day. Sometimes this is good if you find writing long letters hard to accomplish.

*Don’t forget in your updates to mention achievements, milestones, favorite foods, new words they are learning and other progress. This is something that birthparents can feel a lot of pride in hearing!

Once you bring your child home, you will have a lifetime of wonderful moments to cherish. Daily life, holidays, family vacations, starting school, all are now yours to look forward to and you should enjoy every moment as a family. Part of enjoying that special bond of parenting will just naturally evolve into a deep respect and love for your child’s birthparents. The best results in an open relationship will come about when you start early and stay committed.