In an earlier post we talked about the importance of building a support network and discussed having other birthmothers in that support network.

But you also need people who are not birthmothers and who do not have a connection to adoption. People who can see the big picture that we may fail to see since we are so emotionally involved. People who knew you before you became a birthmother. People who are involved in your day to day life. People like your friends and family members!

Yes, yes, I know, there are times when friends and family don’t get it and make comments that may sting, but deep down they love us and only want what it is best for us. And there may be friends and family that you just don’t think can be sympathetic, but hopefully, like me, you have a few good friends or family members that are a part of your day to day life, that you can lean on when the going gets tough.

Our friends and family love us and sometimes I think they really want to be there for us and want to say and do the right things, but they just don’t know what to say or do. We can take the lead in this by educating them on what we find helpful and hurtful.

• Let them politely know if something they say is hurtful. Most likely they aren’t meaning to purposely hurt your feelings but if you don’t let them know that what they said was hurtful, they risk saying it and hurting your feelings again.



• Thank them. Let them know their support, friendship, and love are appreciated.



• Educate them. Educate them on adoption from a birthmom’s point of view by sending them links to information or stories that you find helpful or inspiring.

Tomorrow I will share some tips that you can share with your friends and family.