At my house all the Christmas decorations are put away. Some of the many gifts from the day already broken.

Broken gifts. What do you do?

Well if they are the typical type you can stand in excruciatingly long lines at the retailer to hopefully return for pennies on the dollar of the original price that was paid. That is if you have a receipt. In either case expect a headache.

The fractured gifts I refer to however are not the mass-merchandiser variety. This year was a fresh disappointment for me because it was the first Christmas that my son’s birthparents did not visit. One did not even call (and was unreachable by phone for us). I realize that they each have busy lives but this was oh so important to our son. I am all too aware of the time limitations we are working with concerning his birthparents and real, in person visits. Some day in the not to distant future they will return to their homes in Africa and physical visits will be all but impossible. I need to cram all the quality visits of a lifetime into a few short years for him. One missed opportunity has just so much more weight under such conditions. Ok, I don’t fully know the reasons behind this missed visit. Maybe they are good ones, after all why else would they miss an opportunity to share the gifts they have to offer with their birthson? Again I do not mean the wrapped up type of gift. The gifts my son’s birthparents, any adopted child’s birthparents have to offer most is the gift of being accessible to their child.

I am all for that gift! I have encouraged it, watered it, pruned it like a prize rose at every opportunity. A lot of times I feel like I am THE one keeping all the doors open, all the communication flowing. I admit sometimes I do feel a bit resentful about that. I am also a bit confused by the seeming lack of result now from all my hard work. While I understand that things change, relationships evolve and change too, I am disappointed.

My oldest daughter’s family was heavily involved when she was little. Now as she is older they have not been as involved either. Unfortunately right now is when this type of connection seems more important to my daughter that ever. Sometimes I feel so powerless to change things. I can't really change how they view thier responsibility to her. I am just the type of person who would like to keep everything just so. Working well for everyone. This is not just so, and it feels bad.

Another chance for gathering will be presenting itself this month as Carson will be celebrating a birthday. So I will plan, prepare and pick up the phone to let friends and family know what the little guy really wants in the way of gifts for his big day. Hopefully nothing will break, nothing warrant being returned. Last year it was all about the Wiggles, this year Thomas the Tank is in. I am also again hopeful that Carson’s birthparents with arrive with a gift of their own, one that is priceless and not found in any mega-mall.

Themselves.