When my husband and I had our first meeting with our daughter’s birth mom, she was concerned we would lose contact after placement. Prior to having this baby, she had a son that was taken from her. The baby ended up in foster care and then adopted. The adoption was suppose to be open, but she had only heard from the adoptive family a couple of times. I was so sad for her. All she wanted was a couple of pictures and an update on how the baby was doing. During the whole first meeting, she expressed how much contact meant to her. To be able to hear from the birth mom’s view was eye opening. One of the biggest fears my husband and I had about open adoption was whether or not the birth family would cross any boundaries. We were afraid they would try to contact us all the time or always want to see the child. As I sit there and listened to this birth mom’s pleas, I realized she did not want much. All she wanted was to know her baby was happy and healthy and to be able to see how much she has grown.
When my husband and I left the meeting, we tried to come up with some creative ideas to have contact with the birth mom that still instilled privacy. Along with permission from our agency, we created a blog just for the birth mom. This blog is very basic. We only post a couple of pictures every month with a one to two word phrase explaining the picture. For instance, I just posted a picture of my baby girl standing by herself for the first time. The title was “Look what I can do.” Sometimes I will write more, but I keep it simple. The birth mom can log on to the site any time and look at pictures. We do not offer any back and forth comments at this time. Maybe when our relationship with the birth mom becomes closer, we will. We still like to keep most communication through the agency. Obviously you would have to make sure the birth family does have access to the internet. It seems most people do now days. Her are some things to consider when creating a blog..
~Make sure you use all the privacy settings available; create a title for the blog only you and the birth family will know; do not include last names in the email or name of blog; do not tell the birth family you will update the blog often if you know you will not! These birth families look forward to seeing updates about the baby. If you know you are not very organized, like me, and will not post pictures often, do not make promises you will. This might create conflict and hurt your relationship. Keep this blog between you and the birth family. Do not share with anyone else. Let the birth family share with their friends and family if they would like to. Last, create a password to gain access into the blog.
Our daughter’s birth mom loves to look at the blog. She loves that she can log on the site whenever she wants and can look back at pictures from a year ago. We still send letters and pictures to her through the agency twice a year to meet the open adoption requirements. This blog allows us to go a little farther and show how much we love her and we will stay in contact. The other reason I love this blog, is one day our daughter can log on and see how we stayed in contact with her birth mom.