If you’ve been doing much reading about or by birthmothers, whether it is here in the blogs or in the forums, you have probably noticed the word bittersweet used a lot. I’d never really used or heard this word a lot until I became a birthmother,but it just seems to perfectly and adequately describe the up and down emotions involved with being a birthmom, especially a birthmom in an open adoption, like no other word in the English language. Sometimes I think the word bittersweet was made just for us birthmothers.

In my Crisis Pregnancy Post, Open Adoption = No Pain, Jan Baker made the comment:

Open adoptions appear to me to be quite like reunion - bittersweet - with pain and pleasure. I love being reunited, but reunion - like open adoption does not equate to a painfree happy ending.

Her comment really got me thinking more about the word, the meaning, and just how great of a word it is to describe the many emotions birthmoms go through through out life, whether it be because of open adoptions, reuninons, or other circumstances. I can only relate the word to my own adoption experiences but know it fits other adoption situations (like Jan mentioned reunion) as well.

Looking at the word bittersweet a tad bit closer, (according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary) it is defined as:

bit•ter•sweet
Pronunciation: 'bi-t&r-"swEt
Function: noun
1 : something that is bittersweet; especially : pleasure alloyed with pain

Ironically there is also a bittersweet plant (pictured above), which is a beautiful plant, with open and closed pods all on the same vine, but the plant is very poisonous. Something so beautiful can still cause pain.

Bittersweet is being a birthmother in an open adoption. There are sweet moments of joy and happiness that are quickly followed by moments of emotional pain and sadness.

For me personally.....

Sweet is giving life to a precious baby boy and spending precious moments with him in the hospital; bitter is letting him go just days later.

Sweet is seeing him on his birthdays; bitter is not throwing his party.

Sweet is watching him grow up; bitter is watching him call someone else Mom.

Sweet is watching him and his brother bond; bitter is having to explain to the son I parent why his brother doesn’t live with us.

Sweet is giving him Christmas presents and having a Christmas visit with him; bitter is not being able to see the excitement on his face on Christmas morning.

I’m glad to have the sweet moments but sad to have the bitter. But I have learned in life you have to take the good along with the bad and I’m much rather have the bittersweet moments with my birth son than none at all.

Picture credit