Comments on: Birthfamily – How It Feels To Be Invisible http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible Blog with information on open adoption. Includes advice, tips, concerns, and news articles about open adoption. Birthparent and Adoptive parent blog on open adoption. Articles, information, and news about the open adoption experience. Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:44:09 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Deb Donatti http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible/comment-page-1#comment-475 Deb Donatti Sun, 11 Nov 2007 02:07:40 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/11/09/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible#comment-475 kimmichele, I am so sorry for what you are going through as well. Thank you for your prayers for me, I appreciate that, and will also keep you in mine.<br /> To me it is obvious that secrets cause way more hurt than they are ever worth. I am so sad that your birthmother never told her family about you, hopefully she soon will. Perhaps you will be able to still comunicate with her sisters (if they want to) or have some relationship with others in your birthfamily. I wish you all the best. I will update everyone if things fall into place for me to meet my niece, so please check back. kimmichele, I am so sorry for what you are going through as well. Thank you for your prayers for me, I appreciate that, and will also keep you in mine.
To me it is obvious that secrets cause way more hurt than they are ever worth. I am so sad that your birthmother never told her family about you, hopefully she soon will. Perhaps you will be able to still comunicate with her sisters (if they want to) or have some relationship with others in your birthfamily. I wish you all the best. I will update everyone if things fall into place for me to meet my niece, so please check back.

]]> By: kimmichele http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible/comment-page-1#comment-474 kimmichele Sat, 10 Nov 2007 19:57:28 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/11/09/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible#comment-474 I cannot imagine this family not telling her she is adopted. I feel she needs to know. My heart breaks for you and pray that God will comfort you. I am adopted and almost 50. I recently found my birthmother and through the adoption agency she has given me medical information and a picture. But however refuses to meet me or has forbidden me to contact her two sisters again. I wrote them requesting that they find out why it was taking months and months for her to return the medical info. You see she has never told her husband or children about me. I would love to have some connection. So, I feel your hurt. But prayfully your situation will work out. I cannot imagine this family not telling her she is adopted. I feel she needs to know. My heart breaks for you and pray that God will comfort you. I am adopted and almost 50. I recently found my birthmother and through the adoption agency she has given me medical information and a picture. But however refuses to meet me or has forbidden me to contact her two sisters again. I wrote them requesting that they find out why it was taking months and months for her to return the medical info. You see she has never told her husband or children about me. I would love to have some connection. So, I feel your hurt. But prayfully your situation will work out.

]]> By: Coley S. http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible/comment-page-1#comment-473 Coley S. Sat, 10 Nov 2007 17:53:19 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/11/09/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible#comment-473 I agree with Abby that she deserves to know. Especially because she is pregnant... What if there is some sort of complication (God forbid, but you never know) and she needs to know biological medical history. <br /> <br /> I agree with Abby that she deserves to know. Especially because she is pregnant… What if there is some sort of complication (God forbid, but you never know) and she needs to know biological medical history.

]]> By: Deb Donatti http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible/comment-page-1#comment-472 Deb Donatti Sat, 10 Nov 2007 17:32:58 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/11/09/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible#comment-472 Thanks Abby for your input, I really appreciate your perspective here. <br /> I certianly have not let this idea go. I do plan to try again to locate her, perhaps through the friend of hers I met yesterday. Of course I would not be telling the friend the news, I think my niece deserves to hear it first. If the story of her adoption did not come from her mother and father, then perhaps, since she is now an adult, I should be able to tell her. I will be trying to make contact again soon, so I will be making another update here I am sure.<br /> My brother (her birthdad) is in another state, and doing pretty well in his life at this point. I know he would like to meet her as well, along with her half sister he is raising (who looks like her twin!)<br /> Thanks again for your advice Abby! Thanks Abby for your input, I really appreciate your perspective here.
I certianly have not let this idea go. I do plan to try again to locate her, perhaps through the friend of hers I met yesterday. Of course I would not be telling the friend the news, I think my niece deserves to hear it first. If the story of her adoption did not come from her mother and father, then perhaps, since she is now an adult, I should be able to tell her. I will be trying to make contact again soon, so I will be making another update here I am sure.
My brother (her birthdad) is in another state, and doing pretty well in his life at this point. I know he would like to meet her as well, along with her half sister he is raising (who looks like her twin!)
Thanks again for your advice Abby!

]]> By: Abby http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible/comment-page-1#comment-471 Abby Sat, 10 Nov 2007 06:29:51 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/11/09/birthfamily-how-it-feels-to-be-invisible#comment-471 What if no one steps ups and tells her she is adopted? Why can’t you approach her? Would it be so awful for her to learn she is adopted, even learning it through you? <br /> <br /> While I do understand that it is not your place (so to speak) to tell her but she may never know the truth if her mother does not tell her. It is her right to now. Maybe you will have a relationship with her after you tell her and maybe you wont, time will only tell. You surely will not if you do not give her the option. Just my thoughts:) <br /> <br /> Abby <br /> What if no one steps ups and tells her she is adopted? Why can’t you approach her? Would it be so awful for her to learn she is adopted, even learning it through you?

While I do understand that it is not your place (so to speak) to tell her but she may never know the truth if her mother does not tell her. It is her right to now. Maybe you will have a relationship with her after you tell her and maybe you wont, time will only tell. You surely will not if you do not give her the option. Just my thoughts:)

Abby

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