When I was pregnant and making an adoption plan I didn’t really think about how my relinquishing Charlie would affect my family too. I was so busy worrying about how it would affect me, what I was loosing and would be grieving that I neglected to think about the loss my family would also feel.

In some open adoption agreements, the extended birth family is also involved. I have even heard of cases where birth grandparents are involved when a birthmother may not be ready for a relationship with her child yet.

What does birth grandparent involvement do for a child?

I think birth grandparent involvement can be healthy for a child. A child can never have too many people that love him or her. We all know how doting and spoiling grandparents can be and what child can not benefit from an extra set of grandparents. Birth grandparent involvement also provides adopted children with another link to their biological family history.

How can birth grandparents be involved?
It depends on the parties involved in the adoption agreement and should be discussed before the adoption takes place. Birth grandparents can be included at visits, sent pictures, invited to birthday parties and other events, etc. Sometimes it takes time to develop a relationship and for the birth grandparents to become involved. Some birthmoms (I was guilty of this in the beginning) may feel that their time is too precious to share and may not want their parents involved at first.


What should the child call his/her birth grandparents?
Again this is something that should be discussed before hand and will depend on what everyone is comfortable with. In some cases, children may call their birth grandparents “grandma” or “grandpa” or whatever term it is that the other grandkids (if the child is not the first) call them. In other cases, he or she may just refer to them by their first name. It really depends on what everyone involved feels comfortable with.


To be continued.....