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In my last post, I wrote about how there can be an initial change in the closeness between the adoptive mother and birthmother once the baby is born. Writing that post got me thinking in general about the friendship between adoptive mothers and birthmothers.
It is pretty common nowadays for adoptive mothers and birthmothers to be friends or be friendly with one another at the very least. This is very different from birthmothers and adoptive mothers of previous generations as they didn’t even have a clue who one another was in most cases.
I think that society in general sees adoptive mothers and birth mothers at odds with one another and feels that they probably can not get along. Yes, there is still conflict between adoptive mothers and birth mothers at times, but I have noticed that many are now trying to put their differences aside and become friends.
I’ve had people ask me why I would want to be friends with A. and I know she has had people ask her the same thing as well. But, why wouldn’t I want to be friends with her? For one, she’s pretty cool and a good listener and secondly, she is Charlie’s Mom. It just seems like that if we get along and are friends then it will make things easier for Charlie later on down the road.
I’ve also had people ask me if I thought I would be friends with her if I hadn’t chosen her and S to be Charlie’s adoptive parents. That’s a tough one. I did know A before I even got pregnant with Charlie, but we weren’t friends, just acquaintances really. Choosing A to be Charlie’s mother is what brought us together and our friendship is based on our shared loved for Charlie.
I realize that not every birthmother and adoptive mother are able to have the type of friendship that I have come to share with A and I feel blessed to be able to call her a “friend.”
Related Posts:
Why I Love my Son’s Adoptive Mom Part 1 and Part 2
Friends First
