Recently I received a copy of a really touching book written by Patricia Dischler about her own experience as a birthmother. Dischler placed her son for adoption in 1984 in what began as a semi-open arrangement (ground breaking at the time) and later on evolved into a fully open adoption.

This engaging story begins before Dischler’s son is even conceived. She is a newly independent young lady with a start on a successful printing business and living on her own when things began to take a turn in her life. An emotional breakup with her long time high school sweetheart leads her into a shaky relationship that results in an unplanned pregnancy. This change comes as a radical shock to her girl next door existence. Never had she been the “type” of girl anyone would expect to be found in such a situation. Smart, hard working, and with a close and loving family, she did not fit the expectation even she thought of when she thought of a girl with an unplanned pregnancy. At about this same time many other thing begin to change in her life and so is altered the course of her’s and her son’s future. Dischler goes on to place her baby for adoption and her book walks the reader through the many feelings and deep emotions that accompany this decision. I for one could not help but sense this feeling that until the adoption became a completely open one, Dischler lived her life in a state of anticipation and quiet longing. Her desire seemed to be to fully understand that her son was well, happy, and could love her and connect with her in a way she did not seem to feel she even deserved. I was so glad to read that the happiness she wanted (and indeed did deserve) was just waiting for her in the hearts of her son and his adoptive family.

The book is written in a very interesting format that allows the reader to easily skip the simply informative sections and read only her personal story first if desired. I believe this was done in order to make the book easy to read for the young woman in a similar situation and considering adoption among other options. There are sections outlining the process of considering your options, getting help, and make an adoption placement along with Dischler’s personal journey through her son’s open adoption arrangement. The tone of the book clearly leads one to feel as though they are with Dischler step by step throughout her experience. At times it is emotionally wrenching to read, but it clearly has a lot to offer all members of the triad as far as understanding and healing in their own personal process.

I would highly recommend Because I Loved You to anyone who is involved in any aspect the adoption community. Dischler’s goal seems to be to educate members of the adoption community as well as to help other young women in similar straits to not feel isolated and alone in their experience.
I think she does this very well and in a sensitive, caring, and companionate voice.

To purchase your own copy of Because I Loved You, A Birthmother’s View Of Open Adoption, please visit Patricia Dischler’s website at... http://www.patriciadischler.com/aboutlove.htm


Photo Credit- Patricia Dischler