Let’s take a minute and examine some annoying comments a little closer. The annoying comments in this post are typically comments made about being a birthmother in general.

1. “I could never give my baby away.”
Why it hurts a birthmother:
Most of us (birthmothers) did not make this decision lightly. We spent many hours contemplating and agonizing over the decision. The phrase “give away” makes it sound as if you gave away a pair of pants that no longer fit. Yes, this might be getting a little picky over the wording, but the phrase “gave your baby away” makes me ill.

Why people say this:
Because they don’t know any better. Unless touched by adoption, they really don’t think about the amount of thought put into a decision of this nature. They can fathom it.

What can you say in response:
“Well I didn’t exactly give my baby away to strangers. I chose a family for him/her.”

2. “You are an angel.”

Why it can be annoying to a birthmom:
We (birthmothers) do not see ourselves as angels or saints. We simply are good mothers who put the needs of our child above our own. We admittedly have made me mistakes (the act of getting pregnant, not the birth of the child) so being referred to as angel just seems wrong.

Why people say this:
They actually mean this in a positive manner and typically are trying to be supportive.

What you can say in response:”No angel here, just a mom who tried to make the best decision for her child.”


3. “You did what was best for you.”

Why it can be annoying to a birthmother:
We don’t place our children for adoption because it is the best thing for us, we place our children because it is for their best interests at that time in our lives.

Why people say this:
I think they are probably trying to be supportive here as well and just don’t know what to say.

What you can say in response:”Well, I really did what was best for my baby, not myself.”

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Annoying Comments