Comments on: Angry At A Birthmom, Not Birthmoms

By: Deb Donatti

Deb Donatti — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:21:58 +0000

Jenna & Coley, Thanks for the Hugs. Somedays I feel so dissapointed that I can’t even help this child, let alone her birthmother. It can be hard not to stay down.
Thanks for your support.
You both are awesome and I admire how well you each mother all your children.

By: Coley S.

Coley S. — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 07:39:11 +0000

Aw, eb, I’m sorry she had such a rough day! (((Hugs)))

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:23:46 +0000

I think your anger is justified and warranted, especially when you realize that it's based on your daughter's situation and not situations as a whole. For example, I'm kind of perturbed with an adoptive father right now because of a recent conversation we had at church. I know that he is not representative of all adoptive fathers and, as such, I am able to separate my anger with his attitude from the way I feel about other adoptive parents.

...I wish more people were able to separate like that.

As for your situation, Deb, while I have no advice, you do have our thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

By: Deb Donatti

Deb Donatti — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 00:07:15 +0000

Thank you for the comment John.
I know my child is no where near as damaged as many, but that does not stop the anger at her birthmom, when I see my daughter having such a struggle.
I know that anger really does no good. Most times I have to work hard to control it, for the sake of the kids and for my relationship with other birthfamily members, and the birthmom of my son (who is a wonderful mom.)
It is very difficult. I have to give up so many of the dreams I had for our family life.
Thanks, I appreciate your sharing your own experience.

By: John

John — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:29:25 +0000

One of my sons is FAS and was a drug baby. I do understand the frustration and feeling of hopelessness, seeing the child missing out on their childhood due to the wiring damage to their brain. It is only human to wonder how on earth they can every have anything approaching a normal life.

Mine is 22, and I can now see change, but it is very slow. He also inherited a perpensity to get easily addicted to drugs, something he surely did not need. The good news is that there is change, its just terribly slow. The therapist I use talks about the number of FAS clients he works with who do have something close to a normal life by 40. At least there is the possibility of something good even if it is much further down the road than I would like. The demon is expectations, we all have them. If you can scale back on your expectations some, your life will be better, and won’t change the pace that your daughter can move at. Good luck. John