Most of the adoptive parents I have met in person are not what I would call, on the open adoption bandwagon. When I have brought up my own arrangements with my children’s birthfamilies, I am mostly met with shock or blank stares. The looks I get tell me that perhaps no one has ever fully explained the possibility of a really open adoption to them. No one has educated them to believe that they could consider it for their own situations.

I would say some of the fault here might rest with the agency that they adopted with. Not enough thought or education went onto preparing them for what open adoption could involve. Not receiving enough education can leave people afraid to expand their ideas about what is possible. Often those agencies have dropped the subject early on if the potential adopting parents balk at the prospect of too much openness. They don’t want to run them off now do they?

So just who are the families who actually do consider, and follow through with a truly open adoption? I believe that mostly they are those who are unafraid of the unknown, and who have found the ability and the resources to basically educate themselves about fully open adoption. Those are heavy demands to expect from someone who has no idea about what to expect. They are somehow expected to become their own, best teacher involving something they know little or nothing about. They might be afraid to explore a higher degree of openness. This is a major flaw in our current system in my opinion. We cannot expect adopting parents to seek out fully open adoptions (or birthparents to understand they can expect it) if the people with that information about how to go about it, are withholding it from them.

This is not just the lack of educating those who wish to adopt, but also the birthparents experience, as many of them are not ever offered enough information about fully open adoption. They are not often encouraged to think about regular contact, so they don’t often pursue it when they place. This is sad because anyone entering into an adoption should feel educated and encouraged to seek out what they desire, and if a lot of contact is it, they should not be afraid.

Currently those considering adoption of a child, or perhaps placing a child, need to be prepared to educate themselves about the prospect of fully open adoption. Until current issues are addressed the responsibility falls to the participants, even if this seems wrong or unfair. Right now people must educate themselves, find resources, talk to others who have gone before them, and learn from that gathered information. The main thing is not to be afraid of openness, and seeking out the kind of relationship you want.

How to Support Pregnant Women Considering Adoption

How To - Expect The Unexpected

How To - Truly Consider Open Adoption

Open Adoption: Are You A Leader Or A Follower?