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There’s a great article on the OpenAdopt.org website about how birthparents and adoptive parents both participating in an open adoption can affirm one another. 
Acknowledging, appreciating, and affirming one another is a part of any relationship, whether it be the friendship between best friends, the marriage between husband and wife, the relationship between parent and child, or the mutual love for a child shared between adoptive mom and birthmom. We all need to know and feel welcomed and loved.
I thought I’d share a few of the tips from the article and then give my thoughts and personal experience regarding each tip. You can read the full article in it’s entirety here.
Be expressive and affectionate – don’t hold back. Create an atmosphere of inclusion and belonging. Welcome one another and leave no doubt about your sincerity.
I think this one is very important, especially in the beginning of an adoption agreement as you probably did not know each other very long before your child was born.
Be optimistic about the other party fulfilling their potential in life and within the relationship. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Although the tendency to think “what if the adoption becomes closed” is there, there are times that you just have to put it aside for your sanity. I’m not saying enter into an open adoption agreement, thinking that it’s going to be smooth sailing. You have to be realistic, but don’t be so negative that it puts a strain on the relationship.
Adoptive parents, verbally acknowledge the characteristics (i.e. personality, physical traits, talents) the child shares with the birthparent. Birthparents, point out the traits the child has received from the adoptive parents (i.e. mannerisms, values, hobbies).
This may sound trivial, but everyone wants to know what qualities or traits they share with their children be it a biological child or adoptive child. I love it when Charlie’s adoptive parents noticed some physical trait that we share, like the shape of our eyes. And I think it’s neat to be able to comment when he does something like them, like using their expressions or eating spaghetti the same way his dad does.
To be Continued….
