I’ve been living in an open adoption for almost six years now (come this September) and I’ve gotten to know quite a few birthmothers and adoptive mothers over the years. I’ve seen some open adoptions flourish successfully and I’ve seen other open adoptions fail sadly.

I think our open adoption is going pretty smoothly and is successful. Sure, we have bumps along the road, but for the most part, things go smoothly.

Below is my advice to adoptive parents and birth parents who may be making an open adoption plan with one another.

Before you begin trying to make an open adoption plan, give a good deal of thought to what you are wanting out of an open adoption plan and what you are comfortable with. You may have to compromise a little to come to an agreement, so also think about what you absolutely will not compromise on.

In writing a post contact agreement, leave some room for flexibility. You never know how you may feel once the adoption is finalized. You may want more visits and contact than you had speculated, so leave a little room for flexibility.

Realize that in the beginning of an open adoption, everyone is still feeling their way around and learning their roles. Outline your roles and boundaries and if someone over steps boundaries, polite say so. Learning to communicate effectively now will make things easier in the long run.

As my co-blogger Deb advises, prepare to be unprepared. You truly do not know what is going to happen in the future so as much as you try to prepare know that issues will come up unexpectedly in the future and you will have to learn with them as they come on.

Always remember why you are doing this – your combined love for your child.
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Related posts:
Open Adoption Is
How to Truly Consider Open Adoption