Every one of us has our difficult times with complex relationships, adoptive moms are certainly no different from anyone else in this respect. There are times when we all need to step back, re-group, and find a fresher perspective to help us get past the tough times that we might find ourselves mired down by. Many adoptive mothers could tell you, adoption definitely has tough times! If we just allow all the emotions of the situation to carry us away, it becomes harder and harder to stay focused and remember what it is that we value in our relationships.

In my own experience I have found there are several things I can do that can help me get myself back on track when I am hitting a tough spot. Taking a ‘breather’ or time away from the relationship can be good. When you come back into things with a fresh outlook, the load can seem lighter and more manageable. Right now our own family is stepping back from one of our more challenging relationships, a good thing in my opinion because the time away will help both sides to gain a better outlook.

Another thing to think about is making a conscious choice to actually BE happy. Taking on that positive perspective might feel phoney at first, but it can actually work! You might not start off feeling happy, but when you chose that positive mind frame it can actually help get you started in that direction for real. I know for our own family getting away to enjoy a much needed vacation this month has done us all a world of good toward truly letting ourselves be happy. Often you really do have to force yourself to just let go. I remember telling the kids, “we are going away, and we are gonna like it!” but honestly sometimes you do have to just order yourself and your loved ones to just dive into feeling better (or else).

As bad as things might actually be, there still are things that we can truly appreciate around us. When we focus on the good things we DO have going on instead of the negative, the bad stuff certainly takes up a lot less of our energy. I find that looking at other people and situations who have a greater need than we do helps my own family here. This week when our vacation bible school is over, there will be a program and our group brings food, school supplies, and bottled water and juice to assist a dear friend who has a ministry for the homeless in the inner city. When we are thinking about Otis and what he needs, we have a whole lost less time to fret over what is going wrong for us. In the process we have also lightened the load for many others.

Finding support is by far one of the best ways to move forward after a difficult patch. There are so many things available for adoptive parents in the way of support groups both in person and online. Take advantage of those resources, join, talk, meet others who understand and empathize, Feeling better is always easier when you take the journey to healing and know you are not alone.

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