Holly at the Africa Adoption blog recently did a great, eye-opening series on adoptism, what it means, and how it affects those touched by adoption. Many of those who commented wondered whether or not this is a true “-ism” and if it really touches anyone other than adoptive parents with it’s harsh and discriminatory occurrence.

Upon thinking myself on this issue I decided to address what I feel adoptism is from my own perspective as an adoptive mom of three children, and as someone who has also adopted trans-racially /culturally. First of all I DO see this as a valid “-ism”, and very concerning issue to any family who has been touched by way of adoption, be it as an adoptive parent, a birthfamily member, or an adoptee.

By definition an -ism is a “characteristic denoting a basis for prejudice or discrimination as in: racism.” Being that adoption is a representation of family structure that is not with in the accepted majority in most societies and cultures, it is looked differently upon. This difference does open those who have been touched by adoption up for discrimination in all types of settings. Some would say that adoptism only presents adoptive parents with challenges in our society, but by looking closer it is obvious how the discrimination touches all people affected by adoption in some way or another and that it is that is negative and degrading.

For an adoptee experiencing adoptism can come about in some of the following ways. . .

*Being treated as some how less than as important to their family as a biological child might be, by society and often friends and extended adoptive family members.

*Being made to feel as a representative or a “mascot” for their birth culture by those who know them.

*Being expected by strangers to share personal life information when asked just because they were adopted.

*Unfairly restricted access to personal information such as a birthfamily history and especially original, unamended birth certification.

As an adoptive parent experiencing adoptism can take the form of some of the following. . .

*Insensitively being questioned about “real parents” and “your own children” as if you were not really parenting your own children in others perceptions.

*Having to deal with your own family members who may treat your children as less than biological children.

*Being unfairly restricted from important health history, heritage, and birthfamily information by adoption agencies or governments, and sometimes birthfamily.

*Being thought of as someone who unfairly “takes babies away” from other people as in a “baby-napper’ or “evil adopter”. Being criticized for your desire to become parents because it appears “selfish” when the truth be told most of society chooses to become parents with that very same desire, to know the joy of raising a child, even if that IS a selfish joy.

*Have others talk to you like you are a “saint” or a rescuer of orphans. People assuming that your motivation to form your family through adoption is about you trying to do good works for society or save the world (and not about your simple desire just to be a mom or dad).

Birthparents and birthfamily members are also unfairly affected by adoptism when the following occurs. . .

*People feel they have a right to judge or make false assumptions about the “kind of” person who would choose to “give away” their child.

*Even in open adoptions you have limited ability to see that your original plans for the placement of your child are followed through upon. Open adoption can be promised, but once an adoption is final you often have no way to ensure that it actually occurs.

*You may feel like you must hide the existence of your birthparent status or information about your placed child in your community and even among family and friends for fear of negative treatment. It is often not safe to talk about your experience and expect empathy.

*The media feels it is acceptable to term women who commit crimes or facilitate scams under the guise of adoption as “birthmothers” even though the scam artist might not have been expecting and would not be considered a birthmother until she had relinquished parental rights to a child for adoption. By perpetuating this myth of an uncaring corrupt birthmother the media degrades real women and mothers who have placed a child for adoption and further lowers the opinion about these mothers in society.

These are just a few of the ways that adoptism can hurt, demean and unfairly degrade ALL persons who have been touched by adoption. It happens to adoptee, birthparent and adoptive parent alike. The only way that this can be overcome is for ALL those touched by adoption to stop the arguing and deflection of anger brought about by adoption grief as well as adoptism amongst ourselves and to speak out as a united group for change and more ethical treatment.