It certainly seems like such a long time has passed since my husband and I adopted our first child! We have come a long way from being that same young couple in need of honest adoption related information, and we have learned more than a few things about the realities of adoption.

More than once over the years I have found myself wishing that I could go back (the better informed me of today) and take the young me by the hand and tell her the brutal, honest truth. I would now have so much to say about the emotions, grief, loss inherent to adoption. I would share how difficult it can be for even the best of people to honestly connect, when on opposite ends of the triad. I would have told her that just loving your child would not be enough. Every child who has been placed suffers from loss on some level.

Would she (I) have listened? I am not sure that she might have gone on to adopt after hearing what this me had to say, but then again perhaps she still would have. Perhaps she might have done a much better, more ethical job by her future children and their birthfamilies too.

Sadly I can’t turn back the clock to fix what I did and did not know at the time. Maybe I can pass along some of my own experience for some other young couple on their way to adopting a child in the future though. I have thought of that quite a bit lately. As I am nearing my first anniversary of being here at adoptionblogs, I hope that I already have shared something that has helped someone, somewhere in one of my many posts.

Sometimes I have wondered if being in person, rather than online, would be an easier way to share with prospective adoptive families, the things our family has learned. I would just love to speak at some adoption agency intake meeting, but given my current (unfriendly to adoption agency attitude) that will probably never happen. So I share online, at least as much as I am able. Being online, sometimes gives one a much larger voice, but with so many others with varied opinions just chomping at the bit to jump all over what you say, perhaps there appears to be less credibility with what is eventually said online.

I do have a few regrets related to adoption, and this time of year seems to bring them all up for consideration for me. Looking back over the last 10 plus years, and the evolution of my family, I can honestly say that there are things I wish people had educated me about, things I wish I had done differently. I wish I had more closely considered the children we adopted, and the reasons why they were being placed with us for adoption. The outcome might still have been the same, but perhaps it might have been better, I just don’t know. Now I do understand why so many here at adoption blogs speak to their own particular journey, and share it with others. We really do want to help others avoid the pitfalls we have encountered, and we want the best outcomes for the families who can hear us.

Continued here...

Adopting In 2008 ? Something To Think About...

Other posts...

Adoption, Death, Infertility, All Losses Of Motherhood

Angry At A Birthmom, Not Birthmoms

Adoption- Joy For Adopting Parents?


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