Many of us strive for a world where every need is met, every moral and ethical value is upheld, and things are just. . . well, the way we feel they should be. In a perfect world everything that causes conflict would cease to cause conflict, or just in fact cease all together.

While there is nothing inherently evil with idealizing your concept of the world, it is not all together being honest with yourself, or helping the world for that matter. The world is no perfect place, and simply living here will tell you, that some solutions we have found for the complications of living, are not all together ideal, not always perfect. Adoption is one of those imperfect solutions.

In a perfect world, no adoption would exist. I have heard that quote from many sources, and oddly enough many of them do not seem to agree, although they are in essence saying something very similar. While we all seem to agree that the institution of adoption is not what we ideally would want. For many of us at least, not in it’s current state. Adoption does, however, serve a purpose for many children and families.

Ok, so where does an imperfect world go from here? Do we expect perfection now, all of it completely, or do we settle for small advances, and make other things more bearable in the process? Because this involves children, whose needs are in the immediate, the later seems most logical to many. Rome was not built in a day, and sweeping changes in the world of adoption will not be arrived at over night either. Meanwhile the children of our world deserve the best judgement we have to offer.

For those who see adoption an a logical solution for many children who are orphaned, abandoned, or for whatever reason cannot be parented by their biological family, we truly desire to make it better. To many however, removing the option from the table for these children and their birthparents is not acceptable, no matter how flawed adoption sometimes is. We have to work to correct what is wrong. Most of us seem to agree that change is needed, and that people are being harmed because that change is slow in coming.

Where I see the many interested parties here seem to disconnect, is where they feel a placement for adoption is “necessary” or not. Many feel strongly that no mother should ever choose to place, they don’t see how any woman could honestly make such a decision. Does this somehow go back to a sort of shock that we as a society must feel about how any mother could sever such a strong connection so easily? Perhaps it scares many because it shows that this connection is not as powerful as believed, and it can be breached? There are many ideas about that, and just as many psychologists trying to sort them through. The truth is some women still do choose adoption, even after knowing as much as one can know about the aftermath, before they place. Ethical adoption should be available, if they feel it is what is needed for their child.

All to often, people the world over, experience conditions that do not allow them to effectively parent. They can never hope to resolve the complications that hold them back, even with help, in their new child’s lifetime. So they choose adoption, or to abandon a child in hope that they will find what they need elsewhere. There are countless groups and organizations, many headed by adoptive parents, that strive to limit conditions the world over that might leave a parent feeling unable to care for their child. Sadly this is the proverbial drop in a bucket. Children just cannot wait till this is changed, if it ever truly can be. While the work needs to expand and continue, children also need a safe option of adoption now, when they are in need.

One of the first thing that I personally see could quickly bring about change would be to do away with monetary gains in the placement of a child. Here again, while this might be done in one country effectively, it would really involve a world wide agreement that would involve money being removed from every placement. We also have to consider how many children might be harmed who would somehow have less chance for a family because adoption is then not allowed where they exist. Because funds can be charged in one location, but were against the law elsewhere, children may languish with no hope for permanency. Expecting the world to conform and agree that no funds should change hand in a child’s placement is a huge human rights undertaking, meanwhile other safe options need to bridge the gap.

Some believe that if people out there who wish to adopt just would not adopt, that would be the first best solution. No demand, no supply need right? To me this sounds as ludicrous as expecting no one to ever get pregnant unexpectedly, because well if they didn’t then no problem right? They are many who will still desire to be parents, and who will look toward offering their family as available to children who are in need of transition. Kids will need to transition, no matter how much we do in the way of reform, so we need to address the issues of ethical placement first as well.

There are so many things to be changed for the betterment of adoption practice, those of us who work toward it can’t really afford to have to narrow a focus. We can’t say get rid of it, it’s broke. We can’t believe if we can’t fix one aspect we will just ignore the rest. Those who are concerned for the future of the world’s children, need to do what they can, support what they are able, and encourage others to work on what they themselves can’t address.

In a perfect world there really would be no need for adoption, but this world of ours is not perfect. We need to learn to make decisions that can lessen the ills, as much as we can, where perfection is not ever possible, and also simply accept that it isn’t.

Why Adoption?

Evil Adoptress Speaks Out!

Adopters Do Not Cause Adoption

The Responsibility Of Choices