Today I finally was able to experience what my son’s first mother did when she first learned she was expecting, I got to see his tiny little beating heart on a sonogram screen.

I know he is three years old, and I know that I did not get to experience the added wonder of feeling his little heart beating from inside my womb, but it caught me off guard with a sense of wonder none the less. I was face to face with that smoothly pumping, sweetly ticking little part that makes life and everything else possible, my child’s beautiful beating heart. For my little boy, his first mother, and for me, this one little miracle has totally changed our own existence. Finally getting to see and hear that little motor that makes Carson’s life flow and grow, really brought that home for me today.

Carson’s Dr. Last week thought he heard a murmur in a routine exam, a scary thing to hear as a mom, so an appointment was made for a closer look today. Thankfully it seems to have been a false alarm, and everything appears to be working well with my little fellows heart. I did not think I would be so moved by seeing the sonogram today, I just wanted to know my son was ok, but I found the experience also had me thinking in other directions. As well as being amazed at the sheer miraculous mechanics of it all, I also thought about the first mother this one particular heart touched, and how many other mothers to be might be equally as moved with a similar opportunity to meet the “essence’ of their child.

The first thing I wondered was how it must have felt for his birthmother P to see and hear that same little organ on a similar screen for the first time. She could not have fully known the little person who would later be revealed to us all, but this was the first real and vocal part of his being, making itself heard. I am sure she must have been afraid of the unknowns, an unplanned pregnancy and what the following time would bring, but I believe seeing his heart, must have somehow touched hers. Later through her own loving and benevolent heart, our family was able to come to know and add to the love and support system she had begun for her little boy. We are certainly fortunate.

I also thought about a few posts my co-blogger Coley made (but on her other topic) concerning some legislation in progress in her home state, that would require an expectant mother to see a sonogram of her baby before she could elect to terminate the pregnancy. I recall my first feeling was that although this bill is controversial, I could see it’s possible benefits for a mother concerning her making a fully informed decision. After clearly seeing and hearing my little boy’s heart today (something I had known all along was there, but had not had the emotional experience of actually “meeting” if you will), I feel even more strongly that the bill Coley wrote about could be a positive and beneficial one.

The best thing I learned today was Carson’s heart appears to be healthy and strong. I also will treasure the opportunity to see such an intimate part of his little person, it was a mommy moment I thought I had missed, recaptured in a small way.

Coley's series of posts...

The Great Ultrasound Debate in My State

Update on Abortion/Ultrasound Bill

Another Update on the Ultrasound Debate