Ah weekends!

Most people look forward to the weekends for relaxation and a break from the hectic rushing around and tight schedules Monday through Friday. . . But not me. I actually dread the weekends because the dramatic change in our daily routine is more like a major, emotional disruption for my middle daughter Cierra. To say that she does not handle the weekend change well would be a vast understatement. This kid crashes, and she crashes hard.

I think I figured out a long time ago that our kids, meaning all children who have been placed for adoption, do... more

Although we do have, for the most part, open adoptions with any number of birthfamily members, two of our children have biological fathers who are not involved, and we are not in contact with. One child’s birthfather is even an adoptee in a closed adoption himself. The sad thing is that both these birthdads do not have contact because they do not choose to be involved, not because we have really restricted them from participating. Not being able to see or know them however, has had very little to do with how our children think and wonder about them. The kids talk about their... more

I have learned many lessons since becoming a birthmother and this is just one of the many….

Last night, Charlie’s Adoptive Mom, A, called me to discuss something not adoption related that she saw on the news. We chatted for awhile after discussing that about other various things and then our conversation somehow turned to children’s names. She made the comment to me that I could have wanted to name Charlie “hot dog” and she probably would have agreed. Then of course, she said she wouldn’t have quite agreed to “hot dog” but she definitely would have been willing... more

Jenna at the Birthparent blog had a good post today in response to a reader’s question about contact and communication. Her reader wanted some suggestions about keeping contact flowing, and also wondered who most often initiates contact, and how both sides usually feel about the level of communication. As usual, Jenna gave some awesome answers and advice.

I admit communication glitches have been some of the more difficult issues in all of my children’s adoptions. Who we... more

One unexpected predicament that some birthmothers and adoptive parents may have to face initially after relinquishment is a change in the relationship between them. It’s almost a shift, so to speak and it happened in our relationship.

During my pregnancy I became very close to S, A, and N, but I was closest to A. I really wanted to get to know the family well before Charlie was born as I thought it might make things less awkward later down road. A went to doctor’s appointments with me, we talked on the phone at least daily, and probably saw each other at least... more

A reader recently asked:

Do you have any advice for those of us who are newly participating in open adoptions?

Well of course, I have a few tips!

First of all, keep in mind that the relationship between adoptive parents and birth parents is just like any other type of relationship/friendship you may have. At times, it requires work and at other times it may become frustrating. You will have good times and bad times just like you do with any other relationship.

Secondly, go into the open adoption with an open mind and open... more

Back in December, when my family and I were out trying to squeeze in some last minute Christmas shopping, I had a repeat of an uneasy sort of experience that I do run into every now and again. We were all in the Gymboree store (gosh I love that place) and the kids were all watching the little television they have set up playing the educational dvds that they sell, when a sweet little African American toddler joined them.

My own kids are sometimes like puppies and they can bounce all over a new person with the excitement of wanting to know them. That is... more

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to keep a gratitude journal by writing down something I am grateful for about five times a week. When starting this project, I realized I wanted something nice to write in so I decided to make myself a journal.

It was a pretty easy project and didn’t take a whole lot of time. Other birthmothers could make these journals to use to write about their thoughts and feelings as a birthmother or to use as a place to write notes from visits, updates, etc. Adoptive moms could make these as a gift for their child’s birthmom.

I chose... more

Today my son and I headed of to the local McDonalds for lunch after preschool. I brought along some paperwork to do, expecting to just sit while he played in the indoor playground ,before we went on to a later appointment in another town. Instead I found myself a new friend.

We had almost finished our hamburgers when I noticed another mom with little boy about Carson’s size come in and sit near us. I also noticed she was giving me ‘the look’ for a few seconds, casually making eye contact (and no it wasn’t THAT kind of look, so stop it!) I am so used to getting... more

While chatting with some birthmother friends recently, we discovered that we all had similar New Year’s Resolutions of writing and mailing our child a letter once a month. I have attempted this in the past and although I have come close, I have never made it each month. So I was brainstorming some ways to make achieving this goal a little easier. Charlie loves receiving mail from me so I am really hoping that I can achieve this goal this year.

In order to make this goal easier to achieve, create a stationary box for yourself. You could use a photo box as they are a good size and pretty... more