Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and if you are like me, you may want to do or send something extra special for your child in honor of this holiday. While some may think that Valentine’s Day is a day to show your significant other how much they are loved, I think it’s an excellent day to show any loved ones in your life that they are loved.

If you are looking for ideas as to what to send your child for Valentine’s Day, I have a few ideas for you. You could go very simple or go a little more elaborate, either way though; your child will know that... more

For most children, walking is a pretty big milestone. Many parents marvel as their child takes their first few wobbly steps. For birthparents, it’s a milestone that we miss.

Charlie began walking around thirteen months old. I remember A telling me over the phone that he had begun taking some steps and holding onto things while walking. It really didn’t faze me much. When I saw him walking, it was kind of surreal to me. It wasn’t one of the bittersweet milestones like some of his other milestones were. I journaled about Charlie’s other milestones, but didn’t when he... more

Note: Before you get to the heart of this post, let me clarify that in this post I am referring to women who severely abuse their children and as a result the child or children are removed by the state. I am not referring to women whose children were removed for another reason than neglect or abuse, or women who met all the requirements to get their children back placed up on them by the state, their children were not returned and their rights were terminated.

Recently in my area, a young mother killed... more

Well, the first month in the new year has come and gone! The start of the New Year reminded me that 2008 lies before us like the unwritten pages of a book. Kind of exciting to think about it that way, that the slate is clean and we can try and mold the year into whatever we want it to be like. One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to try and write letters to Charlie each month (January is done and in the mail!) so I shared some tips on how... more

At the end of yesterday’s post, Forgiving Yourself, I asked readers to share what had helped them in the process of forgiving themselves. One reader, Susan in Maine, shared what has helped her in learning to forgive herself. One thing she mentioned was The Serenity Prayer. I found myself nodding reading Susan’s comment, as The Serenity Prayer, is something I have found myself repeating to myself a lot over the past six years I have become a birthmother, especially during the tough times. In fact, I have... more

One adoption related issue that I still struggle with is forgiveness. Not so much forgiveness of what others did or did not do, because I have been able to deal with those feelings and issues and have come to term with them. Forgiving other people wasn’t always easy but it is something that I have been able to work through. Where I struggle in terms of forgiveness though, is with forgiving myself.

What do I have to forgive myself for you might be wondering? Well, I deal with guilty feelings often about a variety of issues surrounding the adoption. I feel guilty... more

I wish I knew of a location that had accurate information about the number of adoptions that begin as open arrangements, and later end up being closed. I am sure this happens all too often. Online in the forums I hear about many frustrated birthparents who have had their child’s open adoption closed on them, so many with out warning, or even a valid reason. I also hear many adoptive parents who have had birthparents drop out of their lives after what had seemed like a close relationship, often many years in the making. No matter who is doing the closing, birth or adoptive... more

I love the idea that a local birthmother shared with me about the scrapbook she and her daughter’s adoptive mother are building together. While many birthmothers or adoptive mothers create scrapbooks or lifebooks for their children individually, this process is unique and has created a way for the two mothers of this one little girl to bond.

Monica* and her daughter’s adoptive mother, Kristy*, are creating their daughter’s (Jenifer) scrapbook/lifebook together. Monica and Kristy didn’t have a whole lot of time to get to know one another before Jenifer* was born as Monica... more

The other day I was talking to my daughter’s birth great-grandma on the phone. She is having quite a few issues with the baby half-brother of my daughter, who she is raising. Of course I am concerned about them both, and I wanted to see how things are going for her. The little guy is developmentally lagging behind, although all of us are certain of his intelligence. For me the attachment/ loss issues could be a lot of what is happening and is as plain as the nose on my face. Great grandma is seeing some of it, but unfortunately not enough at this point in time. I have been... more

Charlie has a pretty healthy understanding of adoption for the young age of six years old. He knows that he was adopted, that he grew in my tummy, and that I couldn’t care for him at the time so I found his Mom and Dad who could. He knows about other members of his biological family like his grandparents and brother and refers to them as such. He’s not embarrassed or ashamed that he is adopted and openly talks about it to anyone who listens.

I’ve written about this every now and then and after reading those posts, someone recently asked me how A and S have explained things... more