If you are a regular reader then you have probably noticed that I haven’t been writing as much as usual lately. I have been so sick this winter and just can not seem to stay well. I’m left feeling emotionally and physically exhausted which makes it difficult to write at times.

I did manage to get permission from my doctor to go on a retreat from women with my church this past weekend. He thinks that some of the reason why I can’t seem to get well and stay well could be stress so we both thought that maybe a change of scenery in the fresh mountain air of North Carolina... more

It seems like when society is thinking about birthmothers we often fit into one of two categories. We are either a sinner or a saint.

Some of us are viewed as sinners because we were unwed at the time we unexpectedly became pregnant so we committed what many view as a “sin” by getting pregnant. We are sinners because we shamed our families by getting pregnant. We are sinners because we did the unthinkable and “gave our babies away.” Some of you may be thinking that people don’t think that sort of thing in this day and age and granted that line of thinking probably... more

A photographer named Ali Smith recently contacted me. She is currently working on book that features photographs of motherhood. Through words and photographs, she is telling the story of the mothers in her book, who they are, how they became mothers, how they see themselves as mothers, and how they fit into society now that they are a mothers.

She wrote to me because a colleague of hers recently pointed out to her that she would be missing a huge element if she did not include at least one mother who had become a mother through adoption... more

Last night I received a text message on my cell phone from a “newer” birthmom (meaning her child is less than a year old) asking me if I received post adoption counseling. I kind of dislike it when people ask me this question because I don’t want my situation to be used as an example when someone is trying to make the decision of whether or not they should seek out post adoption counseling.

My adoption was done independently through a private adoption counselor. It was mentioned to me once or twice that I could have counseling at any point pre or post placement should... more

“Open Adoption” is a very broad term and leaves room for many different interpretations. In open adoptions, what works for one set of birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted child may not necessarily work for other sets of birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted children in open adoption relationships. In open adoptions, “one size definitely does not fit all.”

The amount and frequency of openness in open adoptions is going to vary in each situation based on the circumstances surrounding each individual open adoption plan and the people participating in that open... more

In my last post, I wrote about how lately I have been trying to emphasize the brotherly bond between Noah and Charlie. I have really become how aware this bond between them is lately and want to do my best to emphasize it and allow it to grow. Since they are not typical brothers growing up in the same household as many brothers do, it will take a little creative thinking in order for this bond to grow and develop on both the parts of the adoptive mom and the birthmom with the children they are each raising.

Below... more

Some where along the way, I don’t think I stopped and took enough time to explain Charlie’s role in Noah’s life to Noah. When I was pregnant with Charlie, he was barely four years old and being shuffled between my home and my parent’s home a lot. I didn’t think he would understand very much so I didn’t really explain a whole lot.

As he began to grow up, I did explain things to him in age appropriate terms and language at times when I thought he was able and ready to learn and understand. I did explain that he and Charlie shared the same mother, but I think I failed... more

I’ve mentioned before how much I love music. I’ve been a music lover for as long as I can remember. I sang in choirs, travelled with choirs, and was pursuing a degree in music when I got pregnant with Noah. Although I no longer sing for anyone other than Noah, I still love music. Music and lyrics can cheer me up, make me feel less alone, or remind me of a particular moment in my life.

Over a year ago, I previously shared a list of songs with you that I enjoy. In this post, I’m updating, adding... more

In open adoptions, titles sometimes get confused. I’m not referring to the title of birthmother but the title of other people participating in an open adoption who do not have a blood relation. This issue has mainly come up in how Noah refers to Charlie’s sister, N, and Charlie’s adoptive mother, A.

Although N and Charlie don’t share the same birth mother they are siblings via adoption. They do share the same adoptive mother and obviously, Charlie and Noah share a birthmother thus making them siblings as well. However, N and Noah are technically not siblings either... more

I’ve told you before about my love of music. It seems that sometimes I can hear a song that has absolutely nothing to do with adoption or the love between a mother and a child but yet, it reminds me of Charlie or my love for him. Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever heard a song that had absolutely nothing to do with adoption but it just something in that song touched you and reminded you of your child?

That happened recently when I was listening to the radio while driving home with... more