One of the positives of my open adoption is that it has given me a voice that I didn’t know that I had before. I was breezing through life when I became pregnant with Charlie. After I made my adoption plan and placed Charlie for adoption, I quickly realized what was important in life, what things really matter. I began to get my priorities straight. I think placing Charlie for adoption made me grow up and become a more responsible, mature adult.

As a result of becoming a birthmother, I began to long for others like me, for other birthmothers to talk to. Once I found other birthmothers... more

There’s a big rule in my house: do not play in Noah’s wheelchair!

If you ask any of my nieces or nephews they will tell you that I’m a stickler about this rule. Now before you call me a big meanie, let me explain why. I want them to understand that the wheelchair is not a toy, its Noah’s legs and although they can get in and out of it as they please, Noah can’t. He’s stuck in that chair as his main form of mobility.

Charlie’s never paid the wheelchair too much attention in the past and I mainly thought that it was because it’s not as unusual to him as it is with... more

Today I actually did something that I rarely allow myself enough time for. After my son was out of school I decided, spur of the moment, to take in an afternoon matinee with him. Just the two of us!

The movie we saw was “Bee Movie” and it was absolutely adorable. I know the girls will be a bit miffed because they were not included. As the tiny guy in the family Carson often gets left out of the one-on-one time, so today was just about me spending some time with him. I usually spend so much of that time trying to get... more

One of the negatives of open adoption definitely has to be all the emotions that go along with it. While every birthmother deals with emotions and grief, sometimes the emotions of being a birthmother in an open adoption can be a little unique. As I have said before I think the word that really describes the experience of being a birthmother in an open adoption best is bittersweet.

Just like a birthmother in any other type of open adoption I have had to grieve my losses of mothering Charlie. It’s been rough. There have been many sleepless nights, many tears shed, and much heartache as a result... more

I promised in my October Review, November Preview post that I would begin sharing ideas to create your own Christmas ornaments. I know, it seems early, doesn’t it? But Christmas is really not that far away and if you want to make ornaments for those people in your life with an adoption connection, you need to get started early so you have time to do it.

Giving an ornament to the people in your life related to adoption... more

One of what I see as the big positives of open adoption is that my son will never have to search for me, I’m right here and he knows how and where to find me.

I know that there are many adult adoptees (and birthmothers too for that matter) who desperately want to find their birthmothers (or birth children). Let’s use my friend T as an example. She is an adult adoptee in her mid twenties who was placed in a closed adoption. She is searching for her birthmother. She desperately longs for a biological connection and says that she has longed for that connection for as long as she... more

Well last week, because everyone in our house was ill, except for the five year old, who decided to be ill today, we missed the scheduled parent- teacher conferences. Now I can honestly say that I was not really looking forward to the darn things. Of course some of that has to do on some level with adoption. The school has a decided lack of understanding about what I am trying to share with them, concerning the issues adopted children face.

I think my husband and I chose this particular, religious school, with the misguided perception that we would somehow be giving our... more

One of the biggest negatives that I have come across with our open adoption has to be society’s view of open adoption.

Society just doesn’t get it. People who do not have a direction connection to adoption (and even some of those that do!) don’t understand how in the world it could be beneficial for an adopted child to know both his birth family and his adoptive family, To begin with, many people don’t understand how a woman could just “give away her child” which would then make understanding open adoption very difficult. But for those who put that thought out of mind and just focus... more

In my last post, I shared about how I have been missing Charlie more so than usual lately. I’m not a patient person and the wait time in between visits can sometimes seem like forever. So, what should you do when that wait time seems like ions?

I’m sure each birthmother is different as to what helps her cope in between visits but here’s what I do to try and get through that time: 1. I initiate more contact in other ways such as phone or mail. As of lately, I have been sending Charlie more cards than I... more

Yes It is National Adoption Awareness Month, and that has been on my mind all day today. While glancing around online as I made my own post, I could see that it is in the thoughts of many in the internet world, and in a variety of ways, not all of them positive. I personally prefer to take a positive spin on the purpose of the month, although I can understand some of the mixed feelings many have. Adoption has it’s negatives, but I believe it is good to put those aside for a time, and focus... more