“You can let the grief control you or you can control the grief.” ~ Author Unknown

I love this quote. I came across it awhile back and wrote it down. I don’t remember exactly where I found it though.

In the beginning of being a birthmother, the grief controlled me. I think that’s only normal in the beginning of something life altering, like relinquishing a child. There were days that I thought the grief would win and take over my life. But slowly, I began to realize that I couldn’t go on like that forever. I had to take control of the grief. I’ve learned that I have a choice.

Each day, when I wake up, I have a choice. I can choose to get up, deal with the grief that comes to me that day, and do something with it and about it. Or I can choose to stay in my bed, have the biggest one person pity party in the world, and let the grief win.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where the grief feels all consuming and I just want to stay in bed, pull the covers over my head, and hide from the world. Believe me, I do have days like that! And giving yourself permission to have one of those days every once in awhile is ok.

But most days, I get out of bed and push myself forward. Each day, I try to do something positive with that grief, whether it is to journal about my feelings, work on a page in Charlie’s scrapbook, write a blog post that is personally empowering, (like this one) or talk with other birthmothers. It doesn’t matter what I physically do, as long as I do something.

I will not let the grief win! I will!

So, I ask you, which is it going to be today? Is the grief going to control you or will you control the grief?


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