Coley's Personal Story

There are times when being a birthparent creeps up on me unexpectedly. While my son is never too far from my thoughts, I don’t think about adoption twenty four hours a day, seven days a week and while I am a birth mother and my role in Charlie’s life is very important to me, it’s just one of the many hats I wear. So, I’ll be minding my own business (so to speak) watching television or reading, and boom! There’s something regarding birthparents right in front of my face. The premiere of the Beverly Hills 90210 spin off is a prime example. From what I had read about the new show when it was first mentioned, I knew that one of the main characters would be… [more]

It is hard to believe that it is already the end of April! May is going to be a super busy month for me, so I probably will not be around as much as usual. One of the things I will be busy with is the Birthmother’s Get Together that BirthMom Buds hosts each year. It is on May 10th this year in Charlotte, North Carolina. It seems to get a little bigger and better every year. I’m especially excited about this year as we have added some elements that I have wanted to have since we started having these but we knew we had to start small and build our way up. This year we have planned something on Friday night for our out… [more]

As there are only a few days left in 2007, I have been reflecting back over the past year and all the things that have happened in my life that personally relate to adoption. It hasn’t been a terrible year but it hasn’t been the best either. The biggest thing that happened adoption related in my life was that Charlie’s Mom and Dad separated in January, although I didn’t mention it publicly until September. One of my reasons for making an adoption plan in the first place was because I already had one child from a “broken home” and did not want to have another child in a broken home. So for his parents to announce that they were splitting up was a pretty… [more]

We had a big scare around here yesterday. I turned the television on at noon to catch some of the local news and what do I see, but Noah’s school on the news! I stop to pay closer attention and I hear the reporter say that his school is on lockdown because of a gunman who came to the school, flashed his gun around, and then ran off! Of course, I begin freaking out! I wasn’t sure what to do or who to call so I just prayed. Thankfully no one was hurt and apparently the gun man never made it into Noah’s school. He was a mentally disabled adult who received services from the adult center that shares a campus with Noah’s school. He was… [more]

Today is my thirty first birthday and it has me thinking about my life. If you’d asked me ten years ago where I’d be today, I’d never have guessed I’d be living in small town southern America. I had big dreams; I wanted to tour the world singing, visit Paris, and end up living in New York or somewhere big and glamorous. You are probably wondering, what happened? I became a Mother and my life changed. The things that once seemed important no longer seemed important anymore. I suddenly didn’t dream of visiting Paris, seeing Disney World through my child’s eyes sounds much more exciting than Paris at the moment. You know, my life might not be perfect and it’s not like anything that I… [more]

As my thirty first birthday draws near, I find myself thinking a lot about who I am, the person I have become and a good bit of my identity is wrapped up in motherhood. I can always remember wanting to be a mother. It’s something that I knew I was destined to be. I can’t remember a time in which I never thought that I would be a mother. As a child, I can remember playing Mommy and House with my dolls in my little fisher price kitchen. As I matured into middle school age, I remember day dreaming with my friends and coming up with these really horrible names of what I would name my children one day. And by the time I reached high… [more]

If you are a new reader of this blog, sometimes it can be a little overwhelming trying to figure out the gist of my personal adoption story. You may have to read through a few lengthy posts to understand who everyone is, how they are related, the sequence of events, etc. In order to make it easier for new readers to understand, (at the suggestion of a new reader) I am writing this post which will contain a brief synopsis of my adoption story along with the important people in my life who are mentioned frequently in this blog. This post will serve as a “cliff notes” version of my personal adoption story. When I am writing a post that contains a lot of my personal… [more]

I admit that I haven’t been to church to faithfully recently. I wasn’t feeling well one week, J had to work early another week, etc... But we were able to make it today. It felt like today’s sermon was written just for me. It really hit home and has me thinking. I have been struggling with my grief lately. There is the grief involved with placing Charlie for adoption. I don’t think I will ever be done grieving that loss. As he continues to achieve milestones and grow older, I know there will be certain times in which the grief is worse but I don’t think I will ever be finished grieving. Then, there is the grief involved with the miscarriages I’ve had… [more]

Sometimes when I think of Charlie and I am missing him, I am especially missing the little baby newborn version of him that I spent three days with in the hospital, not the wild, rambunctious almost six year old he has become today. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love who he is today because I do. (Lots and lots!) But those three days in the hospital, he felt like he was all “mine.” I hadn’t signed the relinquishment papers yet and I was his mother; just his mother, without the “birth” part in front of it. But then, I signed those papers and gave a piece of motherhood to another. I’m also saddened by the fact that I don’t know Charlie (the little… [more]

I am addicted to reality TV and the summer show, Big Brother, is one of my personal favorites. You are probably wondering what Big Brother has to do with adoption. Unless it is a secret, there are no triad members in the Big Brother house this season. But, Big Brother does have something to do with my adoption. It was in its second season during my pregnancy. I didn’t have the time to watch it during the first season but pregnancy complications afforded me the time to watch the second season. If you’ve never seen Big Brother, don’t watch! It’s terribly addicting. But, for me, it proved to be a huge distraction during that time of my life. The gist of it is… [more]