Stories and Situations

One of the most revealing conversations I’ve ever heard of regarding adoption took place between my brother and a young man who used to be our next door neighbor. My family lived in South Carolina when I was young, and, being a military family, we moved around a lot. Years later, when my brother was in the military, he found himself stationed back in South Carolina near where we lived years before. One day he packed his camera, loaded up his family, and drove to the neighborhood where we used to romp as kids. While he was out in front of our old house snapping off nostalgic pictures of the little brick building he hadn’t seen since he was 7 years old, the neighbor came out to spark up a conversation. “I… [more]

This post is an addition to my last post entitled "Hook Me Up To Some Electrodes, I'm ready for adoption..." Our second adoption was night and day different from our first adoption when it came to the birthfathers. In our first adoption, he did nothing but cause trouble. He paid no attention at all to the baby that was about to be born all through the pregnancy, and then after we’d had the baby in our home for a month, he decided to cause a ruckus. We later found out that the ruckus began after his mom found out that he’d fathered a child. Anyway, when our second adoption rolled around, Caleb, the birthfather, did want to be part of things. Let… [more]

While the pressure to find the perfect name is a standard for any parent, for adoptive parents there is a door that opens up to a whole new set of questions that can become completely overwhelming. The Birthmother. Will she choose a name first? If she does should we keep it or change it? What if we have a name we’ve always wanted? Is there a “right” way to do this? We are unique individuals. This is why each adoption is so unique, and also why making a decision for a name will be unique as well. Most importantly, understand that your opinion DOES count. Talk about how you feel, be open and honest. On the other hand, also be respectful of what you… [more]

I learned so much from my son’s mother. She became everything to him that I could not. She gave him bottles, baseballs and band uniforms. She also gave him my love. She didn’t just love him for herself – she loved him for both of us. She made sure he knew not only the depths of her love, but mine as well. She understood and respected the fact that his life began with me, but continued with her. It’s because of this respect, understanding and love that my son’s mother showed, to not only me, but him over the years that Joseph has grown into a strong, self-assured young man who holds none of the fog that others wade in about their adoptions… [more]

I noticed a maple in our woods has turned red. This sight produces an instant memory for me that I feel in my entire body, quickens my heart rate, and ultimately, makes me smile. Back in the fall of 1985, it was just months after my son was born and placed for adoption, I received a call from my adoption counselor saying she had just received my first letter from his adoptive parents. My only memory of the months between walking out of the hospital without my son and that moment were of overwhelming worry. Nothing mattered in my day during that time. The only thought in my head day after day was "Is he okay?" I worried about whether or not he… [more]

I was recently talking with a young couple facing an unplanned pregnancy when the young man answered one of my questions with "I don't know yet, we haven't made any decisions, we're just gathering information right now." It was music to my ears. It is the standard reaction for parents, family and friends, of young women and men who announce they are unexpectedly pregnant, to respond with "What are you going to do?" Expecting an answer as to their decision to parent or not to parent. This, unfortunately, gives the impression to the couple that they must make a decision. That pressure to have an answer, to have made a decision, all to often leads them to jumping into a decision unprepared. And… [more]

I'm going to begin by thanking whoever is taking the time to read a piece of my life. I don't know what has brought you to read my story however I believe it's safe to assume adoption has directly touched your life, you are close to someone or know of someone who has been touched by adoption, may just want to have a better understanding or insight of adoption, or just reading to pass time. Any of the stated circumstances make this the perfect reading. I'm hoping you enjoy while I use this as a therapy session! My name is Byina Shavon Jimenez. I was born in San Diego, CA on November 14th 1983 to a Woman who I’m assuming just couldn't care… [more]

One of the key benefits to an open adoption is that a relationship is formed between adoptive and birth families, so a “Goodbye” at the hospital isn’t really a goodbye, it’s more like a “see you later!” How often everyone decides to visit will be a very individual decision. Some birthmothers will get to see their baby again in a couple of weeks, or months. Others, like me, may have to wait years but will still have a written or verbal communication during that time. Every birthmother who kisses their baby goodbye at the hospital immediately begins to wonder about when the next kiss will get to come. Contrary to the many fears adoptive parents may have, a birthmother’s desire… [more]

I had hoped to post this on Saturday, which was the official "Birthmother's Day". But I was spending the day with my family, which always comes first! This is pretty much how I've spent every Birthmother's Day, mostly because I never even knew it existed until I did the research to write my book! I still remember finding out about it, I was so surprised - You mean, all this time, I had a day? What I like best about there being a special day for birthmothers is that it is openly celebrating the choice these women have made, and honoring their existence. For so many decades, the opposite was true. Everyone trying their best NOT to acknowledge that… [more]

My son's birthday is coming up, so as usual, I find my mind wandering back to the time of my pregnancy and all the issues I was facing during that time. Making a decision to place my son for adoption did not come quickly, or easily. There was never that "Ah-Ha" moment when I knew it was my decision. It happened in degrees, like finding the pieces of a puzzle and eventually the puzzle was done and I had my answer, but I had a good idea of what that decision was before the last piece fit into place. I was 21 years old. I co-owned a printing company. I had a boyfriend. I taught Sunday School. And I drove a motorcycle. Year-round… [more]