Mom's Day/Bmom's Day

I had hoped to post this on Saturday, which was the official "Birthmother's Day". But I was spending the day with my family, which always comes first! This is pretty much how I've spent every Birthmother's Day, mostly because I never even knew it existed until I did the research to write my book! I still remember finding out about it, I was so surprised - You mean, all this time, I had a day? What I like best about there being a special day for birthmothers is that it is openly celebrating the choice these women have made, and honoring their existence. For so many decades, the opposite was true. Everyone trying their best NOT to acknowledge that… [more]

For many birthmothers, Mother’s Day weekend is one of the hardest times of the year. You are not alone – Mother’s Day is a hard time of the year for many other Mothers as well such as Mothers who have had miscarriages or mothers whose children have died. As birthmothers, some of us may we feel that we can’t celebrate with all the other mothers because our children are not with us. I know I feel this way sometimes in regards to Charlie. But I believe that although we are not parenting our children, we put their needs first when we made the decision to place our child for adoption and putting her child first is what a good mother does, therefore, we are good mothers… [more]

I needed a day to recuperate from the events of the weekend, but now I am ready to share them with you! In short, our event for birthmothers this weekend was just amazing. Each year they seem to get better. We ended up with a group of about twenty five amazing women. We had young women and old women. We had women who were birthmothers to babies and women who were birthmothers to adults. We had birthmothers who had open, semi open, and closed adoptions. We always begin our day with introductions and give the ladies a moment to tell everyone a little bit about themselves, their children, and their adoption situations. This brings up a few tears for some of the moms, but… [more]

I remember my first Mother’s Day. I thought it never would happen, after all I tried to have a child for some seven years before my daughter found me. That first mom holiday she was just a month old, so very precious and tiny, and so unaware of how her life was already forever altered by adoption. As it turns out I had a ton to learn myself. That first Mother’s Day as I sat, holding her, I could hardly take my eyes off her, she was (and is) so beautiful. That moment in my life was one of the most happy. That is also when I just lost it in a wave of unexpected tears. This baby, this beautiful baby was going to… [more]

Many are finding the coming Mother’s Day holiday as a looming symbol of the questionable feelings about the losses they have experienced as moms. Hardly what the purpose makers of the hearts and flowers holiday had in mind, but valid feelings non the less. Be it loss through infertility, the dream of parenting a completely healthy child, or the chance to parent your child because of an adoption placement, there are plenty of moms out there with a wealth of unique emotions to go with them. I admit the holiday is often a dual edge sword, it can be complicated and everyone deserves to feel how they need to feel. I however, choose to keep looking for the good… [more]

In the past few days, I’ve written a lot about how I do choose to acknowledge my birthmotherhood by joining with other birthmother’s for a Birthmother’s Day event. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t hurt on Mother’s Day or grieve the loss of my motherhood to Charlie; because I do. Unlike birthmothers who are first time Mothers are I have celebrated Mother’s Days in the past, but even though I am with Noah on Mother’s Day, there is still a piece of my heart that misses mothering Charlie more than usual on Mother’s day. So, how do you cope? There’s been a lot of talk about that here in the blogs recently. Fellow birthmom blogger Jenna shared what works for

In my last post, I talked about why adoptive parents should acknowledge their child’s birthmother on Birthmother’s Day/Mother’s Day. Today I will share the story of a family who did just that. Krissy is a friend and fellow birthmom. She placed her daughter, Rylee, in an open adoption five years ago. Last year, on the Saturday before Mother’s Day recognized by some in the adoption community, Rylee and her adoptive family planned a special surprise for Krissy. Krissy was at her home where she raises two other children with her husband. Her mother and sister were visiting her when she heard a car in her driveway. To her surprise, she saw Rylee and her family. When Krissy went outside to see why her daughter… [more]

Recently an adoptive mother asked if she should do anything for her child’s birthmother for the upcoming Mother’s Day weekend and if so, which day, Birthmother’s Day or Mother’s Day? I definitely think any adoptive mother partaking in an open adoption should try and acknowledge her child’s birthmother for Mother’s Day. Why? Because she is important to your child! She is your child’s first mother and she (in most cases) lovingly made a decision to place her child for adoption because for whatever reason she could not care for the child at that time in her life. Placing your child’s needs above your own is the act of a good mother and she deserves to be acknowledged for that. Does acknowledging your… [more]

In my last post, I talked about Birthmother’s Day events in general, but in this post, I thought I’d share what goes on at the events we coordinate and host each year. Birthmom Buds has hosted an event for the past three years. I enjoy planning these events and creating a special day with and for fellow birthmothers. I’m exhausted by the time Birthmom’s Day is over with all the work involved, but it is a good kind of exhaustion. We have this event in the my neck of the woods, in the south, but at some point in the future, we’d like to help coordinate events in various locations across the country. Our events are always themed. It’s… [more]

In my last post, I explained what Birthmother’s Day is all about and I mentioned that events, receptions, and banquets are beginning to pop up all across the country as Birthmother’s Day becomes more widespread and accepted in the adoption community. Birthmother’s Day events vary and there is really no wrong or right to a Birthmother’s Day event. Most of the time they are hosted by adoption agencies, adoption or birthmother support groups, and occasionally crisis pregnancy centers. Sometimes only birthmothers are invited while other times anyone from the adoption triad is welcomed. Sometimes birthmothers are allowed to invite someone who personally supported them during the adoption process, such as a family member or close friend. Many Birthmothe’s’ Day events are… [more]