Emotions and Coping

Every year since he was born, Tara, myself and Phoenix, along with my oldest son get together and have a small visit. I bring him presents, to say happy birthday with, and I watch my boys play together. Last year was especially great. Phoenix would sit on the steps in the play area at McDonald's and motioned for Nick, my oldest son, to sit with him. He was a hoot, and they had more fun together. I got to hug him, and sit with him while Tara went to get food. I still remember his first birthday. All of the adoptive family, plus some were there, and I had made a cake-a red velvet with whipped topping for frosting. Well, Phoenix was sitting… [more]

First of all, let me wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas. I hope that you were able to spend the day (or at least part of it) with loved ones. I hope you had a peaceful day as well. My Christmas was nice; busy, but nice. It started out busy because of all the things that I must do as the Mom of another child, one that I am parenting. Ya know, stuffing the stockings and all that. It's days like today that I am all the more thankful for the child I am parenting because he takes my mind off the one that I am not. Often times through out the day today, when I was watching Noah look at what Santa… [more]

In the last few posts, I have been discussing ways to get through the holidays since Christmas is a tough time of year for many birthmothers. I’ve discussed things you can do with others and the importance of one on one time with yourself. In this post, we will discuss ways to honor your child in his or her absence from your family’s holidays. Depending on how much your family knows about your adoption and how supportive they are of it, you may wish to include them in some of these ideas, although you can certainly do them on your own too. The ornament tradition of buying an ornament for your child is a great way to honor your child. Even if you don’t give… [more]

With all the sad,sad, attention grabbing headlines right now, I have found myself having to call heavily on my faith and belief in forgiveness in order to see hope for those families, and also for myself in my own struggles. After so many have been quick to toss the proverbial stones, I am glad to see that some also have extended the hope of forgiveness to these families in the stories. These lives have gone so wrong, many of us cannot seem to wrap our minds around it. Things did not seem to be able to be fixed for them, and the result of the pent up frustration and anger has forever changed their lives. I am sure these families would give anything to go back… [more]

In my last post, I discussed ways that you can reach out and be with others while you are struggling with your emotions during the holidays. While you shouldn’t lock yourself in your home until after the New Year, there are times during the holidays where the constant activity becomes too much and you may need alone time. You need time to deal with your emotions and to reflect. If your holiday season is as hectic as mine, you may actually have to schedule down time. I know that I need at least a little bit of down time so I try to reserve one night where we don’t have twenty million things to do and I can just chill, whether I want to watch… [more]

In my last post, I talked about how the holidays aren’t always merry for everyone and how they can be hard for birthmothers. But I do have suggestions on ways you can cope and get through this holiday season. You may feel like locking yourself in your house and not coming out until after the New Year, but isolating yourself totally may not be the healthiest of ideas. (Although I do realize we all need down time, so that will be covered more in the next post.) You may benefit from getting out of the house and being with others, especially those that have been supportive of you and your adoption plan. If you see a counselor or a therapist, try scheduling an appointment near… [more]

Trimming the tree, buying gifts, holiday parties, trips to see Santa, special church services, baking cookies, Christmas morning breakfast; the holiday season is supposed to be a festive one. Many friends and families come together to celebrate this festive season. Yet, the happiest time of the year isn’t always happy for everyone. There are many people who have lost loved ones who have a really hard time during the holidays. The holidays are also a busy and stressful time of the year for many people, even those without loss. The constant activities, holiday parties, and general hustle and bustle of the season can make the most cheerful people grumpy. But add loss (like the loss a birthmother feels during the holidays) and you add another obstacle to… [more]