Christmas

A friend of mine sent me a wonderful book recently, "In On It: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption" by Elisabeth O'Toole. There's been so much written for members of the triad, what a great idea to have a resource for all the friends and family that support the triad members! A point I try hard to make in all of my books and speaking is that my choice to place my son for adoption was not just my own - it was a choice that had a profound effect on my entire family. I also know that my son's adoptive parents choice to create a family through adoption had a profound effect on their family… [more]

Every year since he was born, Tara, myself and Phoenix, along with my oldest son get together and have a small visit. I bring him presents, to say happy birthday with, and I watch my boys play together. Last year was especially great. Phoenix would sit on the steps in the play area at McDonald's and motioned for Nick, my oldest son, to sit with him. He was a hoot, and they had more fun together. I got to hug him, and sit with him while Tara went to get food. I still remember his first birthday. All of the adoptive family, plus some were there, and I had made a cake-a red velvet with whipped topping for frosting. Well, Phoenix was sitting… [more]

The deadline for the most recent Open Adoption Roundtable topic passed me by in the whirlwind of holiday preparations and travel, but since I’d already begun writing about it I’m going to post anyway. Next time maybe I’ll even post in time to actually participate! The topic is this: Write about open adoption and the holiday season. Our relationship with JellyBean’s first mother hasn’t yet progressed to a place where spending family time together near the holidays or whether to buy gifts for siblings or what sort of card to send have been anything but theoretical concerns—although I do hope that someday these are things we have to work out, because it will mean our relationship is growing in the direction we'd all like it to. But my thoughts on open… [more]

I know that this time of year is very hectic. With the parties, pageants and presents, it is easy to lose track of time. Suddenly it is Christmas Eve and you realize, too late, things that you have forgotten to do. As such, let this serve as your official reminder to mail any cards or packages that you are sending to your child's other family. Do it this week. In fact, if you can, do it today! I've been guilty of this in the past. Buying a present for a birthday or holiday and simply not getting around to sending it or sending it too late. Sometimes I think, when I get far to over-analytical, this is a subconscious fear that my daughter won't like her present… [more]

I recently received an email from a friend who is an adoptive mom asking me a question about gifts for her daughter’s birthmom. Like many people this year, this family has to tighten up and spend less on Christmas so she was asking my thoughts on sending a home made or less expensive gift to her daughter’s birthmom that she has sent the past few years. Normally at Christmas we spoil our daughter’s birthmom but this year money is tight. Do you think it would be ok to send her something less elaborate or even something homemade? First of all, let me say that I am speaking for myself in my answer but I know there are probably other birthmothers out there who the feel the same… [more]

Christmas time is here. No denying it. And as you are getting ready to celebrate your own traditions, you might be wondering what your counterparts in adoption are doing tradition-wise this year. Are your child's adoptive parents doing anything similar to how you were raised when it comes to holiday celebrations? Are your child's birth parents gearing up for the holidays in the same way you are? While you may have a very open, honest relationship, things like holiday traditions may not be high on your priority list to discuss. They might not even cross your mind at a time as busy as this one! All the same, consider taking some time this year to discuss traditions that the other side participates in at this time… [more]

The holidays are right around the corner and some birth and adoptive families participating in open adoptions get together around the holidays. While the holidays are generally a stressful time of the year and get busy quickly, you should start planning your holiday visit now! If you haven’t scheduled a date and time yet do so immediately! Schedules can fill up quickly with all the holiday gatherings and parties so you’ll want to choose a date as soon as possible. You’ll need to choose where to have the visit. Would you be most comfortable in your own home? Or the others’ home? Or would you prefer a neutral place? Some of when you will meet will depend on what you want to do during this visit. Will you… [more]

Many adoptive and birth families that I have talked with have said that while they normally love gift giving, choosing a present for the "other side" can be difficult. Reasons include not knowing the size a child/adult now wears, not knowing them intimately enough to guess what a good gift would be or not knowing their new interests (among many other reasons). It's true, of course. Interests change. Children (and adults!) grow. And without that day-to-day contact, it's hard to decide whether something you feel will be a good gift really will. As such, I recommend that birth and adoptive families in open adoptions remove the guesswork and make lists. I know it sounds boring. I know it removes the "thrill of the hunt" when searching for… [more]

First of all, let me wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas. I hope that you were able to spend the day (or at least part of it) with loved ones. I hope you had a peaceful day as well. My Christmas was nice; busy, but nice. It started out busy because of all the things that I must do as the Mom of another child, one that I am parenting. Ya know, stuffing the stockings and all that. It's days like today that I am all the more thankful for the child I am parenting because he takes my mind off the one that I am not. Often times through out the day today, when I was watching Noah look at what Santa… [more]

Well it is 1:00am here, we are back from our church’s candlelight service, kids are asleep, and these stockings are about to get stuffed! To everyone out there have a very Merry Christmas! The picture with this post is one I took earlier in the week, mom fooling around and pretending to be one of ‘Santa’s elves.’ Honestly I look like I have ingested way too much eggnog (light on the egg, heavy on the nog.) I think it is funny, but I also know that this is a picture of the me that has really been missing for some time now. I have honestly been very down lately, not the mom that I would like to be for my kids, and this holiday season has been one… [more]