Birthdays

When I was a single college student, being a musician, I used to host what we called “Acoustic Night” once a month at my house. My friends and I would invite a bunch of people over to listen to a variety of people play songs on their acoustic guitars and we’d make an evening of it. It was a lot of fun. One evening, though, after the whole shin-dig was over and I thought everybody had left, I could hear some voices coming from my kitchen. I walked in to find three guys helping themselves to my fridge and my cupboards, preparing themselves some food and laughing about it the whole time they did it. I snatched the sandwich right out… [more]

Today is his 3rd birthday. It has been quiet today other then the sniffling and sneezing that has accompanied this 'wonderful' cold. The weather is dreary, and I hear a crow cawing. Aren't they supposed to go south or something? Anyways, my head is all over the place today  but my heart is generally at peace, despite not having seen him this year. I am ok with that, and kinda grateful to have a year that hasn't sent me into a complete depression. That is not saying that i will not cry, or have a moment when 3:30pm rolls around, or doesn't mean I won't feel a little sad, because it is ok. It is alright to grieve. It is ok to allow those… [more]

Every year since he was born, Tara, myself and Phoenix, along with my oldest son get together and have a small visit. I bring him presents, to say happy birthday with, and I watch my boys play together. Last year was especially great. Phoenix would sit on the steps in the play area at McDonald's and motioned for Nick, my oldest son, to sit with him. He was a hoot, and they had more fun together. I got to hug him, and sit with him while Tara went to get food. I still remember his first birthday. All of the adoptive family, plus some were there, and I had made a cake-a red velvet with whipped topping for frosting. Well, Phoenix was sitting… [more]

Yesterday was my son's birthday. And, as always, it's a day filled with a wide range of emotions for me. On the up side, my daughter Amanda and I called him and were able to sing "Happy Birthday" over the phone. On the down side, the hours before that call I spent looking at 26 year old photos, remembering the girl I was in them, and the amazing moment of my son's birth. The thing that surprises many people is that every year, on this day, I relive the pain. I'm often told to forget it. That's just plain silly. Obviously advice from someone who has never experienced pain or loss. It happened. No matter what happens after it doesn't make… [more]

My son celebrated his eighth birthday the other day. It was filled with cake, presents, friends and all the fun a little boy could handle. I love watching my children grow older and morphing into the adults they will someday be. I enjoy seeing their personalities develop, watching them learn new talents and increase their abilities. Birthdays are always a reminder of how blessed I am to be part of their lives and how quickly they are growing up. Birthdays also remind me, even more acutely than an average day, of the women who do not get to be a part of their daily milestones, their birth mom. I actually spend a great deal of their birthdays thinking of each mom, wondering how she… [more]

Recently I was reading something a birthmother wrote about her daughter’s first birthday party. At the party the adoptive mother asked her to light the candle on her daughter’s birthday cake. To some, this may seem like a small thing but to her it meant so much. Reading her words got me to thinking about a birthday tradition in my open adoption involving birthday candles. In my family, we’ve always just used basic, generic stick birthday candles and we put the appropriate number on the cake but Charlie’s family uses the candles that are an actual number on their birthday cakes. At Charlie’s first birthday party, A. had a number one candle on his birthday cake. After the party was over, A. had the candle in… [more]

In my last post I wrote about how Charlie has recently begun asking questions regarding the night he was born. I encouraged each of you to write down all the details about your child’s birth. But you may be wondering what details should you include? Below is a list of ideas to get you started.

• Write about where you were when you realized you were in labor, who you were with, etc. Or if you were induced write about how and why your doctor came to the decision that inducing you was necessary. Write about how you felt during all of this.
• Write about going to the hospital. What did you do to prepare? Who took you to the hospital? What

Many children like to hear their birth story. Even Noah (my twelve year old son that I parent) still enjoys me telling him all about the day he was born. I tell him that he was impatient and arrived early because he couldn’t wait to see the world. I tell him about how his first cry reminded me of a kitten meowing. I also include age appropriate details about the pregnancy complications I had and the complications he had once he was born. Considering that Noah enjoys hearing the details of the day he was born, it should have been no surprise to me that Charlie would want to hear these details as well. Charlie’s adoptive Mom, A, told me awhile back that he had recently… [more]

I just attended my birth son’s seventh birthday party today. This was the first birthday party (the party that family members and friends his age are invited to) I have attended since his second birthday party. I felt so uncomfortable and out of place at his first and second birthday parties that I decided I wouldn’t attend anymore. We decided to have a private birthday celebration each year with just Charlie, his parents, sister, and myself, my hubby, and my parented son and have been doing that ever since. But things changed this year. Our open adoption has taken on a whole different dynamic as Charlie vocalizes his wants, needs, and desires. When he asks me to specifically come somewhere or do something I have a really hard time saying… [more]

I really encourage you to sit down (if you are not already) and write a letter to your child each year around his or her birthday. I actually started this Tradition with the son I am parenting. His first year of life had so many ups and downs because of medical issues stemming from his prematurity that a few days before his first birthday I sat down and wrote a letter to him briefly recapping everything that we had been through in that first year of his life. When his second birthday rolled around I did the same and it just became a tradition. I’ve put them up for him to read one day when he is older. Around Charlie’s first birthday as I was thinking… [more]