Special Needs Kids

In a recent phone conversation with A (Charlie’s adoptive mom), she told me that Charlie has Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, more commonly known as ADHD. About a year ago, she mentioned the possibility but never said anymore about it and frankly, I just forgot to ask because I thought if he did have it that she would certainly let me know as soon as it was confirmed. It wasn’t a surprising possibility to her as Charlie is super hyper, talks a mile a minute, and has a short attention span. So, last week she confirmed that he does indeed have ADHD and will probably begin some form of medication for it. I consider myself to know a good deal about special needs children and the conditions… [more]

Being adoptive parents has certainly been a very different journey than my husband and I might have had with biological kids. Aside from the obvious things, children who do not look like us, who have emotional challenges as a result of adoption, and have a history and other relationships that precede our family, one really huge thing for us has been discovering special needs in a child we had assumed was born healthy. Our middle child appears to be a beautiful, healthy little girl. Being there from the moment she entered the world somehow left us with the impression that she was prefect, healthy and would adapt to our family and adoption well. As time has passed however we have begun… [more]

This is the week of the county fair in my area and the excitement is beginning to build for opening festivities on Wednesday night. Along with carnival rides, animal showings, tons of funnel cakes and cotton candy, there is the Little Miss and Mr.Contest and our Cierra is entered this year. Lately our “Little Miss” is in one of her angry and combative cycles every time we turn around though, not solid contestant material to say the least. I am thinking if they gave out a ribbon for “Miss Antagonist” she would win this one hands down. Today the interview stage of the contest took place and though she appeared to do fine for the event, she later dropped something in the car… [more]

I wish I had a perky post ready for today, but that just is not the way my life is currently going. My four year old has been pushing me near the brink today and right now I feel very, very alone. A few months back we finally, after almost two years of struggling, took her to a therapist and Reactive Attachment Disorder was brought up. I had always felt that children who suffered from this were mainly those who had lived deprived of early attention in an overseas orphanage, or even severely abused children in our own foster care system. Never did it occur to me that a baby who I was in the delivery room to greet into this world would… [more]

I ran across a very encouraging article about a young man, Justin Klien-Edgerton of Oroville, California who was recently honored for some amazing accomplishments. Justin has been nominated to be a European ambassador for the People to People program. The program promotes world peace through people working and talking directly together. This nothing short of a miracle for a baby who was born with serious medical issues and placed for adoption at six weeks of age. Justin was exposed to a virus before birth called cytomegalovirus and it was believed that he would be born blind, deaf, mentally retarded and never able to be anything more than in a vegetative state. Today he is far from what they expected, an A-B student who… [more]

The rule I set for Jay worked. About two minutes after Jay hung up the phone, I saw him marching through the crowd inside the fairgrounds. I could tell by his determined pace and pose that he was in an extremely foul mood. Part: 1 2 3 4 5 However, I was relieved. He was finally here and exiting through the gates. Now that I could see him I could manage the rest. I’d talk to him and defuse his anger to the point he’d calmly follow us to the car. Once in the car he’d have fifteen or more minutes to decompress before we reached our baby-in-law’s* house and then he could assume a… [more]

The situation was going from bad to worse faster than the festival goers could eat their cotton candy. Jay was in there and refusing to come out. I removed the phone from my ear and hit the button to call Jay again. Jimmy asked, “He coming out?” I turned to look at him. “No. He hung up.” My baby-in-laws Dan and Kathy* were waiting patiently but I sensed concern and confusion on their part. I felt pressured. God, what they must think of all of this? Craig announced his end of patience and need for a nap with a loud, continuous cry. I was embarrassed and mad at Jay’s behavior. I had no idea how long this situation was going to drag… [more]

Jay answered the phone when I called him from his dad’s cell. He said hello after the second ring. “Jay, where are you?” “You’re not dad.” “I know.” “But it shows his phone.” Jay was referring to the caller ID on his cell phone screen. My little trick had worked. I never called Jay from his dad’s phone. Some kid’s might generalize and figure out mom was with dad and using dad’s phone. Not Jay. Mom called on mom’s phone. Dad called on dad’s phone. That was his internal rule for phones. I broke the rule. “Jay, where are you?” “At the reptile exhibit.” Now why didn’t I think of that? This whole time he’d been slumped in a chair in front of the TV… [more]

I was angry with myself for Jay’s disappearance. I should have slowed down and taken the time to talk him through the ride. I knew he was really upset and scared by it. I carelessly had pushed his feelings and needs aside to go have fun. I should have felt remorseful, but instead I was angry again. This time I was angry with Jay. Couldn’t we have just one day in public without the careful two-stepping and quiet redirection? I wanted a day I didn’t have to interpret other people’s words to him and then vice versa. I knew Jimmy didn’t understand Jay’s melt down signals. I should have alerted Jimmy to be extra watchful before I ever got strapped… [more]

Standing by the fair entrance calling Jay on his cell phone, again and again, I had to admit that this was a situation that just didn’t fit the ‘norm’ for most kids’ behavior. I looked back over my shoulder and could see the concerned expressions of my baby-in-laws* and knew I’d have to give an explanation to Jay’s disappearance. I didn’t want them to think he was a bad kid or out of control due to bad parenting. Of all the people that walked this earth, I did not want these ones to think Jimmy and I were bad parents. After Craig’s rollercoaster ride, Dan* challenged me to go with him on a thrill ride. It was one of those amusement… [more]