Emotional Ramblings

So I went against the advice of my husband and friends and contacted my son's birth mom. If you remember from a post a few days ago, I had found her on Facebook and was wondering what to do next. It has been over five years since we last spoke and that choice was hers. However, when I found her profile, which included a younger half sibling of my son, I was in conflict over what I should do. It weighed heavily on my mind until I finally wrote her a note. It was very short and explained the inner debate I was having. I then told her I was leaving it up to her. If she thought the contact would be too… [more]

NOTE: Just as a point of reference: My daughter, School Girl, has two families all mixed together. The members of her birth/first family are M, her birthmother, S, her birthfather, and C & J, M's parents and School Girl's birthgrandparents. Neither S nor S's family are currently in contact with us at this time. For the Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable #5, Heather picked another tough question: How has open adoption changed you? In what ways are you different because the presence of open adoption in your life? I should say from the outset that ours hasn't been the one-big-happy-family open adoption. We have had contact with School Girl's father's family exactly 3 times in the past 7 years; 2 brief visits with S himself and 1 with School… [more]

There are times when being a birthparent creeps up on me unexpectedly. While my son is never too far from my thoughts, I don’t think about adoption twenty four hours a day, seven days a week and while I am a birth mother and my role in Charlie’s life is very important to me, it’s just one of the many hats I wear. So, I’ll be minding my own business (so to speak) watching television or reading, and boom! There’s something regarding birthparents right in front of my face. The premiere of the Beverly Hills 90210 spin off is a prime example. From what I had read about the new show when it was first mentioned, I knew that one of the main characters would be… [more]

A piece of me is missing. Six and a half years ago, when I made the decision to place my baby for adoption, I also gave away a piece of my heart. At times, the hole or missing piece feels enormous. While at other times it might not feel quite as big, but it is always there. While I was making an adoption plan, I knew it was going to be difficult and I knew life would never be the same, but I didn’t realize that there would be days that my soul would literally ache for that child. I honestly somewhat bought into what others were telling me; that I would be able to move on. But how do you move on when you have… [more]

The weather forecasters were predicting snow here in my part of the south but I wasn’t holding my breath as snow has been predicted many times and never come. We haven’t had snow in about two years. But low and behold, it snowed! Needless to say, Noah was very excited when he woke up and saw all the “white stuff.” School was cancelled of course and the whole town pretty much came to a stand still because people in the south just don’t know how to cope with snow! There wasn’t really enough to do much with and by the time the sun came out today it was getting a little mushy, but still, I bundled Noah up, drug out the sled that we have never… [more]

While there are often comments that people say directly to us knowing that we are birthmothers, many times there are comments or situations that may hurt us as birthmothers that people are not intentionally directing towards us or even meanto be hurtful. No one tells you before you become a birthmother about the normal everyday conversations that may become difficult at times. For example, J, a friend who is a birthmother was recently discussing a comment that someone made that that cut her to the core. The comment was not directed towards her and the person wasn’t intentionally being mean. She was just venting to some other ladies at church about some of the things that new mothers have to deal with, such as no sleep, getting up… [more]

Well fall here has finally decided to step into the place the summer has been most reluctant to vacate in a timely manner. The temperatures have dropped, and dropped fast, going from almost ninety degrees on Monday to a brisk sixty-three today. While I am not one to complain about the cooler days, I will say I would have liked a more gradual let down, so to speak. Along with missing that slow, colorful simmer down from our hot summer into the current crisp early October, I am feeling low about missing something special that fall usually brings out for myself and my children, the tradition of apple picking time. Apparently, due to the excessively hot summer we experienced, the apple crop has come up very… [more]

Yesterday I could not post, I had my own little version of ER going on here.. My son decided to tumble down our basement stairs and booger his head up rather nicely. There was a huge amount of blood all over, and the little guy earned himself five stitches (at least they did not have to shave off any of his beautiful curls.) Does anyone else out there believe 25 minutes waiting for an ambulance to arrive, to assist a toddler with a profusely bleeding head injury, is just way too long? I certainly did! After this calm mom (on the phone, while simultaneously applying pressure to a spouting head wound on a screaming child) gives very exact, concise directions to our home, and yet they… [more]

One of the first things that prompted me to think about open adoption, was an intense feeling of respect and compassion for the birthparents of my future children. I wanted to understand what their situation was, and be open to learning about their love for the children I might be fortunate enough to welcome as my own. Being a birthfamily member myself, an aunt to several children placed in closed adoptions, I also had an understanding of what it felt like to be set aside and discounted to some extent. I did not want to impose that feeling on another person unfairly. If there was any way that keeping in contact through an open adoption would be possible, I wanted to explore the option… [more]

The tooth fairy came to my home the other night leaving a crisp bill for two pearly teeth that my ten year old had proudly extracted herself. Yes my girl is TEN, almost eleven, and she still has an innocent faith in things like the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and I suppose at this point, even in ME her mom. No, I understand that I am not an imagined, childhood notion. I am a real mom. Sometimes though, when I see my children joyfully observe the customs of youth, I secretly dread the day the truth will bring an end to all that excitement. I also think about how the truth of our mother - daughter relationship, and adoption, will sneak up on my daughter… [more]