Challenging Child

Ah weekends! Most people look forward to the weekends for relaxation and a break from the hectic rushing around and tight schedules Monday through Friday. . . But not me. I actually dread the weekends because the dramatic change in our daily routine is more like a major, emotional disruption for my middle daughter Cierra. To say that she does not handle the weekend change well would be a vast understatement. This kid crashes, and she crashes hard. I think I figured out a long time ago that our kids, meaning all children who have been placed for adoption, do not adjust to change as well as non- adoptees. The level of difficulty really varies from child to child, also depending on many other things like… [more]

Today was my middle daughter’s therapy appointment, although as it turned out, the conversation seemed to gravitate to more about how well I , her mom, am dealing (or not dealing) with everything. I freely admit that I am often a mess, and still at times emotionally challenged by many of my own issues from childhood. This fact frequently comes through in many of our sessions, and even though she is a new therapist for us, she is quickly catching on to me. The new therapist is a great lady. For some strange reason she makes me think of Nancy Spoolstra (although Nancy and I have not met in person yet.) Perhaps it is her straightforward manner, understanding of attachment concerns, and her strong interest… [more]

Well here I am again, finding myself lost in a sea of emotions concerning adoption, attachment, therapy, birthparents, (sometimes blogging) and mostly just daily living. Some days I really feel like I am getting nowhere, but then I remember “nowhere” is still a place. It might not be where I was yesterday, or where I need to be tomorrow, but I still am someplace right now, and learning to live in this place is my job of the moment. So as part of living in my moment here, my five year old has begun with a new therapist today. There seems to be a lot of promise there. This lady really seems to understand what both my own and my daughter’s experience has been. She shook… [more]

School has been back in session for a few weeks here now, and the difference can surely be appreciated around my house. There are actually days when I can begin a coherent thought, and follow it through to the end now! I admit that I had some troubling doubts about how well my five year old, my RAD-ish (a term I borrow from one of Nancy Spoolstra’s wonderful readers), would handle the intensity of a long, anxiety filled day. I am very pleased to say that she is actually doing pretty well. She really enjoys and looks forward to her class, she is bringing home papers with tons of perfect work and gold stars, and the best part is that I know her teacher is in… [more]

Tomorrow is our first day back at school, and lets just say I am a bit anxious. Of course I am wondering how my five year old (with RAD added) will adjust to being at school all day long, but I am not as worried as I could be I suppose. I know she has done well for the last two years in half day preschool programs there. Consistency is key. Even better news is one of her preschool teachers has stepped up to take over the Kindergarten class, since the previous teacher retired at the end of last year. She is familiar with this teacher, and the teacher actually “gets” what we are working with at home, so I feel we… [more]

The best thing about being with someone for so very long, is that they get to know just what you need to pick yourself up from a really rough spot. They remember you when, as in when you were not so chubby, sporting so much grey hair, and how hot you once looked in leg warmers. Thankfully I have just that in my “retro love”, my husband of eighteen plus years, J. He knows this week has taken a toll on my sanity, and he understands why. Our dear five year old daughter mostly never lets a person catch their breath before the battle begins anew, so today he attempted to recharge me a little with a funny film as a… [more]

Being adoptive parents has certainly been a very different journey than my husband and I might have had with biological kids. Aside from the obvious things, children who do not look like us, who have emotional challenges as a result of adoption, and have a history and other relationships that precede our family, one really huge thing for us has been discovering special needs in a child we had assumed was born healthy. Our middle child appears to be a beautiful, healthy little girl. Being there from the moment she entered the world somehow left us with the impression that she was prefect, healthy and would adapt to our family and adoption well. As time has passed however we have begun… [more]

This is the week of the county fair in my area and the excitement is beginning to build for opening festivities on Wednesday night. Along with carnival rides, animal showings, tons of funnel cakes and cotton candy, there is the Little Miss and Mr.Contest and our Cierra is entered this year. Lately our “Little Miss” is in one of her angry and combative cycles every time we turn around though, not solid contestant material to say the least. I am thinking if they gave out a ribbon for “Miss Antagonist” she would win this one hands down. Today the interview stage of the contest took place and though she appeared to do fine for the event, she later dropped something in the car… [more]

In the last two weeks we have had a lot going on, and if you were around my kids today you would have seen them crashing with the after effects. Today was our first “calm” day at home after almost 10 days of vacationing in various locations. There was a ton of fighting, screaming, and other discipline issues beyond the norm for all three of them. I know this is most likely a release from all the changes in the last two weeks, but it has been exhausting. I think for all children change is a scary thing, but for adopted kids that fear often shows at a much more intense level. While people expect children to be scared about the big changes… [more]

"One of the tragicomic scenes in nature is a pair of small foster parents working like Sisyphus to keep up with the voracious appetite of an outsized young cowbird.” - The Birder's Handbook Attachment is fresh on my mind. After a therapy session with my middle daughter yesterday, followed by her very frustrating poor behavior today, I am feeling more than a little bit whooped. In the midst of my daughter’s screaming tirade, and while attempting to look for interesting blog matter, I ran across this little story I had never heard before. The tale of the North American cowbird. Oddly enough I could relate to the cowbird’s unusual life cycle, or at least the life cycle of the other mother birds… [more]