Communication

“I’m thinking about coming out there to go to school,” Bri said. Jammie could sense some hesitancy in her voice and knew exactly the reason why. “You don’t have to worry about us,” my wife, Jammie said. “We’re not going to try to pressure you or talk you into coming out here to see us any more often than you are comfortable. Adoption stories are not easily told in a single blog post. Adoption stories, just like any good novel, begin somewhere and take a long time to unfold. Unlike any novel, however, the story never stops- especially nowadays when the majority of adoptions are open adoptions. “It’s just that… I dunno,” Bri continued. “I’m thinking that the university out there would be a better fit for me than the one here where I… [more]

When I was soon to get married, one of the leaders in my church sat me down to have a good talk with me. There had been a lot of people like me that he had cornered through the years, especially since I was living in a college town where lots of us youngsters were getting married. And the conversation that we had, I assume he had had 100 times before. Still, he wasn’t the easiest guy to talk to. “Are men and women different?” he asked me. “What do you mean?”I wondered. I assumed there was some sort of trick to the question. Of course I knew that men and women were different. How could someone not think that? “I mean just that. Are men and women different?” he repeated himself. “Uh… yes?” I… [more]

I talked with another birthmother recently and once again heard how the relationship she is having with the adoptive parents struggles due to fears. Fear seems to be what holds back many from building a trusting relationship - on both ends. But more often than not, these fears are unrealistic. So how do you know if what you are afraid of is real? Simple: ask. I still remember a call from my son's mother where she timidly admitted to me that she was afraid he would get mad at her and get in a car and drive to me. He was in his teens and doing what all teens do: use every tool in their life toolbox to hurt their… [more]

I talked to my son today on the phone. We haven't talked in a couple of weeks because we've both just been very busy. Afterwards he sent me an email with some dates he and his wife would be available for a visit. They didn't make it down for Christmas and all their presents are in a pile in my living room, no tree left to explain their presence. Life happens. And he's been knee deep in going to school to be a paramedic, volunteering as an EMT and Firefighter, remodeling his house, and finding time to be with his equally busy wife who is a nurse at the Mayo Clinic. But today, he called. People often ask me what Joe calls me - Pat, Birthmother, Mom, or even Aunt? It… [more]

“I’m going to vote for him because he reaches across the aisle,” some people say. I hate politics. I hate it but I can’t help but follow it. Following politics is one of those chores that I do because it’s my civic duty, it’s what I think everyone should do, it’s yada yada yada. I ask myself, “What would it be like if politicians really had the public’s best interest in mind?” I mean, I think they want to do the right thing, but when push comes to shove their first priority seems to protect their career and their second is to protect their self interest groups. Instead, the laws and regulations that get passed all depend on what party is in charge-… [more]

It has been one interesting December so far, as far as writing goes. Of course I expected it, in a way. Phoenix will be 3 on the 30th of this month. I recently talked to Tara about 3 weeks ago. I was having some issues post-birthmother retreat and I needed a ear. I heard his voice over the phone and I think I scared her with the level of outpouring I needed to express. I am not terribly worried, as I know her heart is good and understanding and our conversation revealed so much for both of us, I am sure. We discussed my mom issues, and possibly attending Al-Anon because of her previous alcohol dependence. We talked about our worries for when Phoenix found out he was adopted and how his older brother may… [more]

I peel the top half of a banana and hold it out to my little boy. The little man, who is about two months shy of his second birthday, claps his hands and takes it from me with a smile. He bites off the top inch then holds it out for me to take a bite. I tell him that I don’t want any, so he chomps off another piece and chews on it. He makes his way over to his baby sister, lying on a blanket, and holds the banana out for her to take a bite. Of course, Baby Sister doesn’t even have teeth, nor has she started on solid foods, so she just looks up at him… [more]

This post is an addition to my last post entitled "Hook Me Up To Some Electrodes, I'm ready for adoption..." Our second adoption was night and day different from our first adoption when it came to the birthfathers. In our first adoption, he did nothing but cause trouble. He paid no attention at all to the baby that was about to be born all through the pregnancy, and then after we’d had the baby in our home for a month, he decided to cause a ruckus. We later found out that the ruckus began after his mom found out that he’d fathered a child. Anyway, when our second adoption rolled around, Caleb, the birthfather, did want to be part of things. Let… [more]

As I stood in line, about to update my Facebook status with something about hell and lines, Tara called.

Tara is his mom, has been his mom since he came home to her and her husband and already bustling household  on a cold January day in 2009.… [more]

Rachel wasn't the only sibling to be won over by her big brother. Years later, when my second daughter was born, the process repeated itself. For Amanda, the day Joe’s status of “brother” became real was when she was five. Joe had come to visit in order to surprise Rachel at the Madrigal performance her school orchestra was doing at the high school. We were at the house, Joe, my parents, my husband and Amanda, waiting for the time to go to the school. Amanda had not seen Joe since she was little, and couldn’t remember it, so she was eyeing him closely during this visit. After a few minutes of visiting, Amanda suddenly ran upstairs to her room, returning in… [more]