Health/Wellness

Getting scary health related news is never a good feeling, and it is even worse when it concerns your child. Back in December our family received some news from one of the children’s birthfamilies. It seems that our child’s first cousin had tested positive in preliminary screening for a chronic, fatal, genetic disorder. At the time our child was born, we all believed this was a healthy newborn. The birthfamily in question believed them same of their own child, who is now almost 5 years old. It is so hard to consider that one, or both, of us might have been wrong. Once we had a second to absorb this, we were told that if those tests do come back positive, we will also need to have our… [more]

After a week away from blogging, I think that I am back. I wish that the time taken could have helped me to not only recover from my illness (I pretty much have) but also from all the things our family has recently experienced. Everything from the RAD our 5 yr old struggles with daily, to the lifelong challenges of adoption issues are difficult and can feel magnified when you're not feeling well. I understand that being ‘recovered’ from all that in about a week would be a bit of a miracle, so I will have to be satisfied that I feel somewhat better physically, and am ready to tackle the other things now a little stronger... or at least I think that I am. I thank… [more]

As previously reported, I have been one huge “sicko” this last week. I am attempting to bound back from a case of pneumonia and the flu, all mixed into one. My apologies for not having more out there to read, as there is so much going on both in the world of adoption, and on the home front right now. Of course the start of National Adoption Awareness Month is on the top of my list, and I have already done a bit of blogging on that subject if you care to go back and take a peak. I think you will find some interesting links to help you celebrate the adoption connections in your own family. I will also be doing a… [more]

Every one of us has our difficult times with complex relationships, adoptive moms are certainly no different from anyone else in this respect. There are times when we all need to step back, re-group, and find a fresher perspective to help us get past the tough times that we might find ourselves mired down by. Many adoptive mothers could tell you, adoption definitely has tough times! If we just allow all the emotions of the situation to carry us away, it becomes harder and harder to stay focused and remember what it is that we value in our relationships. In my own experience I have found there are several things I can do that can help me get myself back on track when… [more]

Have you ever noticed if your grief is worse at night? For me personally, my grief does get worse at night. Night is the time I end up having my breakdowns and crying and I’ve heard other birthmothers say that the nights are difficult for them as well. So, why are nights more difficult at times? I think that during the day it is easier to keep ourselves busy and that often we just get caught up in the everyday busyness of our lives. We have jobs, friends, family, possibly other children, school, etc. to keep us pretty busy and that doesn’t give us a whole lot of time to just sit and think about or deal with our grief. But at night time when… [more]

Another therapeutic activity that is a personal favorite of mine is scrapbooking. I’ve written before about Charlie’s life book. Creating his life book was empowering, healing, and therapeutic for me. His life book contains pictures, information from my childhood, and other miscellaneous information about my side of his biological family history. When creating his life book, I found comfort in the fact that through the life book he would always have something tangible with him to remind me of my love for him, even though I wasn’t physically there at the moment. According to A. (Charlie’s adoptive mom) his life book is one of his most treasured possessions and he is very territorial about others looking at it. That makes the work… [more]

Today I finally was able to experience what my son’s first mother did when she first learned she was expecting, I got to see his tiny little beating heart on a sonogram screen. I know he is three years old, and I know that I did not get to experience the added wonder of feeling his little heart beating from inside my womb, but it caught me off guard with a sense of wonder none the less. I was face to face with that smoothly pumping, sweetly ticking little part that makes life and everything else possible, my child’s beautiful beating heart. For my little boy, his first mother, and for me, this one little miracle has totally changed our own existence. Finally… [more]

Traditional journaling is a therapeutic activity for many birthmothers. Journaling, much like blogging, is a great way to work through any emotions you are feeling. Journaling provides you with a way to release your emotions. You are not judged in your writings. It doesn’t matter how many spelling mistakes or grammatical errors you have in your writing. Journaling is for YOU to work through the many complicated emotions that come along with adoption and just life in and of its self. If you are struggling with an issue or a decision, you can journal about it by writing the positives and the negatives of the situation and all of your thoughts and feelings surrounding both aspects. Sometimes this will help you put things… [more]

“You can let the grief control you or you can control the grief.” ~ Author Unknown I love this quote. I came across it awhile back and wrote it down. I don’t remember exactly where I found it though. In the beginning of being a birthmother, the grief controlled me. I think that’s only normal in the beginning of something life altering, like relinquishing a child. There were days that I thought the grief would win and take over my life. But slowly, I began to realize that I couldn’t go on like that forever. I had to take control of the grief. I’ve learned that I have a choice. Each day, when I wake up, I have a choice. I can choose to get… [more]

I could not conclude this series without doing a section on happiness. It may feel like an odd emotion to include for the birthmother side of the adoption triad but in open adoption, there are moments of happiness. Sometimes because there is so much loss and sadness involved in adoption from the birthmother’s point of view, that it is just nice to take a few minutes and focus, think of, and remember the moments that I smiled and felt happy. Happiness is defined as a state of contentment or a pleasurable experience or activity. Keeping the latter part of the definition in mind, my visits automatically pop into my head. Visits are one of the happier times in open adoption. All of the other… [more]