Anger

Before I launch into a lengthy discussion about the possibility for irrational anger in adoption, perhaps we should discuss the definition. What is irrational anger? There is a kind of anger that is both normal and rational. If someone is trying to burn your house or hurt your family, the suitable response is to be angry, aggressive and take some appropriate action. Rational anger is the result of someone doing, or threatening to do, something hurtful to you. Irrational anger, on the other hand, is when you find yourself being very angry when no one is doing anything to you. I'll use some different examples to show rational and irrational anger as they might play out in adoption. Rational Anger: A visit is canceled. No communication without… [more]

Today was difficult...again. My five year old has so much going on with her behavior that I am honestly not sure we will ever be able to help her heal. We do what we can, with the knowledge we have, but things just do not seem to be changing. This is one very hopeless feeling. I worry on days like today, when she flies out of control, and I find myself losing all the amassed compassion from the previous short time between explosions, that she is already beyond my help. I hope that I am wrong, but her birthfamily members tell me that she is basically repeating her birthmother’s early behavior. I wonder if it will continue. I know that isn’t her fault though, it really… [more]