In Part One of this series I talked about our oldest child’s adoption and her open relationship with her three older birth siblings. When a birthmother already has children it can be one type of experience, but what about when your adopted child is her first and she goes on to have other children?

This was the situation with our second daughter Cierra. She was born when our oldest was five years old, a first baby for her birthmother.... more

While several other bloggers are addressing this topic right now, I know each of our situations (like all adoptions) are unique and I will be sharing some of my own family experiences with this series.

Back in my series on the Independent adoption of our first daughter I talked about our meeting her birthfamily, and her placement with us. The adoption that resulted has been an open one with Danika’s birth grand-parents and three older half siblings.... more

Today, I am going to begin the aforementioned series on writing letters to your child and the importance of doing so.

I write letters to Charlie. This started right after he was born when I wrote “the” letter. It was a letter A. suggested I write. She knew so much more about adoption than I did at the time. I was floundering along in the process, had done almost research or reading about adoption, but A. had read lots and was educated on it, and had one adoption under her belt so to speak. So anything... more

If you are in the process to adopt you might be considering an open adoption arrangement. There are many positives to having a fully open adoption for your child, but how do you go about initiating openness?

Well even if you are going about adoption through an agency that promotes openness, chances are that the level of openness they are speaking of is still going to be minimal. If a true open relationship with the birthfamily of your adopted child is your goal, you need to be prepared to do a lot of the additional leg work yourself.

By... more

Communication is an integral part of open adoptions. More than just that, communication is an integral part of any relationship. Without communication, relationships (and open adoption) would be nothing. To get anywhere in a relationship and to have a meaningful relationship (an open adoption) communication is a key factor!

Communication in open adoptions can be between birthmom and child or birthmom to adoptive parents. In the beginning, when your child is still an infant, communication lies between the birthmom and adoptive parents.

Sometimes... more

Recently my middle child Cierra, who has always had a fully open arrangement with many members of her extended birthfamily, has begun seeing her birthmother again. So far we are about a year into renewed visits and there have definitely been some not so subtle changes in our daughter as a result.

Right after the adoption we had contact with R, but our daughter was still a newborn and does not recall to much from those early visits. Unfortunately soon after things happened in R’s life that prevented her from visiting even though she desired too and... more

Open adoptions can be tricky, as any relationship can be. Add the complicated feelings of each member of the triad to the situation and there are potential rough spots. All relationships require work on each participant’s part and open adoptions are no different. Below are some tips that we personally have found helpful in having a successful open adoption thus far.

Communication is key. Communication is key to any relationship and open adoption is no different. Talk about your thoughts and feelings related to the adoption when appropriate.... more

When most families seeking to adopt consider open contact they often think about the following...

* Meeting the birthparents initially in person.

* Exchanging some sort of basic information about yourselves (first names, basic health and background)

* Verbal (sometimes written) agreements to correspond, send pictures and information about the child for a determined period of time, often indirectly and via the agency.

This can be termed as “Open Adoption” in the most basic sense. Compared to decades ago this is huge change from the... more

There may come a point in your open adoption where the openness has become too difficult emotionally for you. You may be a wreck after visits for days or even weeks. You may feel like you need to pull back a little and need a little space and if you are anything like me, you might feel badly for it. Some may disagree with me, but personally I feel like if you need a little space then you should take that space. Visits are not going to do anyone any good if you are a mess before, during, and after them. If you need a small break, then I think you should... more

Deb posted the Top 10 Ways to Keep an Open Adoption Running Smoothly from an adoptive mom's point of view, so now I bring you the same Top 10 but from a birthmom's point of view.

Be honest! I can not stress this point enough. The old adage, “honesty is the best policy” certainly is true in this aspect. Communicate! In order for open adoptions to work, you must communicate. If for some reason, there is something holding you back from... more