Continuted

About a year ago our daughter’s birthmother was released, returned home and appeared to all of us to be getting her life back together. Soon she found herself pregnant. We spoke of what she wanted at that time, and she wanted to try to raise her baby. We let her know we supported her. We sent her clothing, toys, a baby bed, along with as much verbal and moral support as we could offer to let her know she was capable if she worked hard... more

The call I made Wednesday was a causal one, “How are your doing? Is everyone ok?” but the outcome was a total mess I did not anticipate. Now with a day or so to calm down, step back and evaluate, I see I have encountered a situation in open adoption that can easily result when some parties have unresolved issues and are also facing new, but similar to the past challenges. My current “problem” also relates to what can go wrong when birth families go on to parent other children, as in how it effects the relationship with the adoptive family.

The... more

Jan recently did a wonderful blog about being PC, or politically correct, when writing in the adoption world. She definitely has a valid point. Persons from all sides of the adoption experience have sensitive, or flag words and phrases that can feel down right wrong, judgmental or offensive to them when reading adoption related writing. I really enjoyed Jan’s tips very much and found them to be helpful advice to those of us who are writing to a varied, adoption experienced... more

Out scouting around for interesting topics I came across this interesting PDF written by Karen Lundbland, LCSW concerning mediation in open adoption arrangements.

Lundbland has been in private practice as a full time mediator since 1998 in Eugene, at both the University of Oregon and Portland State University. While I personally cannot vouch for her services, I was very intrigued by the aforementioned article she wrote... more

Once you have adopted a child and agreed to an open relationship with one or both birthparents it can be difficult to know just how to get things started. When you first arrive home as a new family and are in the midst of learning all about your new child, it is still very important to stay connected with his or her birthparents. Making a relationship will take time and effort and it also involves honoring each person’s unique role in the child’s life.

There are little things you can do to keep communication flowing in those early days as you go... more

After receiving the bracelet Noah bought me at “Cupid’s Store” at school, my mind turned to Charlie. While J was giving Noah his bath I called Charlie to wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day. Each time we talk, our conversations are funnier. He is a very funny little boy.

Coley: Happy Valentine’s Day Charlie! Charlie: I’m on the back porch. Coley: Oh? Charlie: I want the cat. Coley: Well maybe he is sleeping. Did you have a Valentine’s Day party at school, Charlie?... more

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 While writing this series, I came across another birthmother who coincidentally is doing a love letter series on her own personal blog titled A Barrel of Nelsons in order to encourage herself to write letters to her birth daughter.

Angela... more

Part 1 Part 2 Since writing that initial letter to Charlie, I have continued writing letters to him. I write letters on his birthday each year. I write letters after visits with him. I write letters when I am missing him a lot. I write letters when something big happens – like the day he said his first word.

Some of the letters I give to him, some I do not. The birthday letters I give... more

Part 1

I debated whether or not to share that initial letter to Charlie with all of you in blog land. It is a personal letter between Charlie and I.

But then I started thinking about it…. And if sharing this letter helps one adoptee feel that they are loved by their birthmother, or if helps one adoptive parent realize adoption is an act of love, or if it helps one birthmother take the step and write that letter – then stepping out of my comfort zone for a few minutes is worth... more

Continued from Part two...

During this time I know my daughter had excitement about a new baby brother coming along. I think she understood that he was “hers” as in her little brother, but she did not quite understand why he would not be coming home to live with us. I guess with our older daughter that must have been some of the same issues that her older birth siblings were going through when she was placed with us and... more