As with any relationship an open adoption is bound to have a few bumps in the road at some point. Finding support and resources to help you and the others involved work out any conflict can be more challenging in some situations than in others.

If you worked with an adoption agency post placement services may be available to both birth and adoptive families or perhaps even joint counseling through the agency. If you adopted or placed privately and independent of an adoption agency you might find yourself looking on your own for a counselor/counselors... more

It is a dreary, disgusting day outside, which fairly captures my mood on the inside as well. I just put my four year old down for a nap after having a conversation I never felt we would ever need to have. I had done everything in my power to avoid such a situation, practicing the ideals of openness in adoption to the best of my ability, but the decision was pretty much taken out of my hands. I had to try to explain to my daughter that as of this moment we no longer know the state of her open adoption and can’t say for sure whether or not birth relatives... more

In the decades of closed adoptions, adoptive parents could choose to put the emotional details of adoption aside to come back and deal with at some future time, perhaps when their child became an adult and wanted to connect to birthfamily. Of course we have also learned with time that the system and process of closed adoptions is one that did not work well for most people involved. Many people were not told details and as a result had many questions which their adoptive families also had no clear answers for.

In the open adoptions of... more

If you have not figured this out by now, open adoption is not walk in the park, almost nothing about adoption is. When I think of the positives, they are a ton of work to get to, but it IS worth the effort. Hopefully by working hard to get there together our children will be the best they can be. Even when birthfamily and adoptive family are active and involved there are times that when conflict and our emotions get the better of us. For myself there have been many things recently... more

Tonight my son’s birthmother P called to let us know how she is doing. Recently she moved to another state with the new man in her life and together they are anxiously awaiting the birth of their baby due in May. It was good to hear that though she is feeling tired, she is doing well. I also learned that she is expecting a baby BOY. So Carson will soon have a little brother! We are pretty excited here. I just wish we were not now so far apart.

Part of the difficulty in having an open adoption is when people... more

Having children after the child they placed for adoption brings about many emotions for birthmothers. In fact, Jenna just did an excellent series on the emotions birthmothers have when having subsequent children in the Birth/First Parent Blog.

But having subsequent children also brings about many emotions for the placed child. They may feel that they are being replaced or they may feel insecure. As mothers, we all know that we have a special love for each of our children, but sometimes children need reassuring of this.

I ran across an article... more

Is that even possible? I know we spend a ton of time reminding people (and rightly so) that most birthparents really DO care about the child they placed, even when they cannot bring themselves to visit or stay in contact. This “staying away” comes out of the pain and renewal of their grief every time they have to again leave a visit, and without their child. This is something most adoptive parents truly have understanding and empathy for. Everyday I talk to someone who sends letters and pictures out... more

My four year old received a letter today in the mail. It was a letter from her little brother, who is too tiny to write himself (he is only 6 mons old) but he thankfully had a bit of help from his great grandma. It was very sweet. He was in essence saying thank you for an outfit she had picked out for him, and also that the new teethers she sent were really making his sore gums feel better. I had one tickled little girl who went to bed happy and tucking her little letter under her pillow.

This letter was a real boost to me as well because... more

Today was so wonderfully quiet here. After our family returned from church and enjoyed lunch(umm tacos) everyone took a big, long, lazy, NAP. In light of all the emotional things that have been going on with the kid’s birth families lately, a nap was just what this old lady needed

I know that I have been rambling in my first few posts of the month about a recent falling out with my daughter's birth great grandmother. Those kind of things can really leave you... more

In my last set of posts I talked about a recent phone conversation with my daughter’s biological great grandma. It was not a good one unfortunately. Others have also made some interesting posts about the fears in adoption and where the control lies in such a relationship,... more