I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

Sometimes in open adoptions, you may loose contact or have a lapse in contact with the other party. Perhaps you used to talk every few weeks and it’s been way more than a few weeks since you last talked.

A lapse in contact could occur for different reasons. It could simply be because life gets hectic. Families, careers, school, etc. can sometimes get in the way of even the best of intentions. Possibly it could be that the others involved are going through an emotional time and just hasn’t found the strength to pick up the phone and call as they used... more

I think anyone who truly understands even the basics of adoption also knows that the life long process is never without some pain and anguish. For many who came to understand this truth early on, open adoption seemed to offer a solution that could in some ways lessen the struggles and frustration for our children. Having an open adoption may have certain benefits for a child, but does being given so much information, so early on, also provide some additional issues for young minds?

In many ways openness can be beneficial, but for some while... more

My co-blogger Coley, who also writes for the crisis pregnancy blog, recently did a great post concerning a birthparent view of things a expectant mother should consider before making an adoption plan. Some really great advice! I agree with her wisdom and perspective. While reading this post though, I began thinking how many of those same things could be slightly adjusted and addressed to potential adoptive... more

While it is true that adoption can provide for the needs of many of the world’s abandoned children, and even offer an option for expectant mothers, who for a myriad of reasons might not be able to parent their child, it is certainly not a cure all. People also offer up openness as a solution for some of the many issues that come with adoption, but sadly even open adoption cannot address everything. Sometimes openness is an odd mixture that can benefit a child in some ways, as well as potentially set them up to repeat negative birthfamily... more

Not too long ago I addressed the issue of adoptive parents sending photos to their child’s birthmother.

I have two additional ideas pertaining to sending and sharing photos with your child’s birth family to share with you today. One idea is new to me and the other is an idea that I just forgot to mention in my previous posts.

Websites This is the idea I failed to mention! In this technological era, websites are a great way to share photos.... more

I noticed some time back, that Jenna at the birthparent blog had mentioned the concerns she has about some visits with her Munchkin. More recently she spoke of how some visits might not be possible as the birth of her new baby nears. I agree that even when missing some visits cannot be avoided (like when you need to take it easy during a high risk pregnancy) it is still a very disappointing thing.

I too have noticed how hard things in an open... more

Jan just wrote an excellent post entitled “What to call Us.” In her post, she talks about how adoptive parents should refer to us, birthmothers.

Whenever I am out in public somewhere with Charlie and his family, if we run into someone they know, A does not miss a beat. She introduces me as “Coley, Charlie’s birthmother.” She doesn’t say it in a shy kind of way, she says it proudly and with a lot of confidence. I’m thankful that she does that. Her saying it in a confident matter is teaching... more

There are many, differing views on adoption, that is one of the few statements there could be little disagreement about. Birthparents see the issues inherent to adoption with their own unique perspective, adoptive parents often see many of the same issues very differently. When adoptees are grown and able to reflect on their own experience, the reactions also run the gamut.

One of the biggest problems in the adoption community, is the desire many seem to have to project their personal perspective and opinion onto others. It’s hard not to do with... more

Although my son was not born in another country, he is of another race and culture than my husband and I. Our son is Kenyan/American, his birthparents both traveled here from Kenya, and so seeing them in our open adoption relationship bears some additional challenges for us as parents. One of the most notable of these challenges is language.

We have recently begun to consider the other languages that our son’s birthparents are familiar with. They each speak four different ones, Swahili being most... more