Back when my husband and I adopted our first child, I think we were in the belief that adoption was an experience more than it was a process. We naively went along for awhile as if once the adoption was final, we could move on to the next stage in our family life and that would be that. Of course we had openness and contact with several of our oldest daughter’s birthfamily members, but we assumed that the issues inherent to adoption, were also mostly dispensed with when the adoption was finalized. Boy did we have so much to learn!

With many years, and the addition of two other children,... more

Today I was very relieved to get an email from my son’s birthmother P. While I know she is busy, she recently moved to another state, and she welcomed her baby boy M in May, I was beginning to get worried after not hearing from her in awhile. Trust me talking to her answering machine was becoming very disturbing, because I was beginning to feel an emotional connection with the electronic robo voice that files her messages away. Ok, it was not that bad, and I am not that strange, but I was wondering if everyone was still onboard with this open adoption gig.

I know our contact... more

In my last two posts I have discussed two different hurdles that have come up in the relationship between myself and Charlie’s family. With a little bit of effort, we have been able to overcome these hurdles. If you are facing a hurdle in your relationship, below are a few tips that have worked for us.

Talk – I can not stress enough how important good communication is. If you can not discuss what is going on then you will never be able to overcome it. Keeping it inside and not discussing it will only eat at you and could possibly make the situation worse. Talk open... more

In my last post, I discussed a hurdle that we are still currently working through. But there has also been one other major hurdle in our open adoption relationship and I thought I would share that one now. Unlike the hurdle of A and S separating that I discussed in the previous post where I needed a little space; with this hurdle A needed a little space.

In June of 2004, I lost the baby I was carrying at about twenty two weeks gestation. Needless to say I was devastated. That loss brought up a lot of... more

Many who are involved in the world of adoption feel openness is one of the best ways to see the placed child feel secure in their adoptive home, minimize feelings of loss, and feel valued and important to their family of origin.

If the birth and adoptive families are willing to come together and work hard to develop a relationship, it certainly could benefit the child in those ways and many others. The most important aspect is how well everyone really can work together to make this happen. If either family decides, for whatever reason, not to give open adoption their best... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

Right now some people would probably term our middle child’s “open adoption” as officially closed, I however do not see it that way. We have closed nothing, and we remain continually open to all the possibilities of open adoption, just as we have from the first. Our own input into the relationship is all we ever had, and continue to have control over.

Our family made the commitment to our child’s birthfamily to remain assessable for them, and we remain available.... more

Recently the talk has been about whether or not open adoption, and ongoing contact with birthfamily equates to the same level of commitment as does a marriage. To many this would appear to be a controversial concept. Although commitment is commitment in some minds, are open adoption and marriage really the same?

A marriage is a relationship formed out of mutual love between two parties. A man and a woman fall in love and legally express that commitment... more

One thing I have learned during my short time as a writer of open adoption bloggery is that when you think you have expressed something really good, people may not agree, they might not even be reading. On the other hand, when you think you pumped something out that might be lacking in interesting adoption matter, you... more

I know I am lucky in the fact that Charlie and his adoptive family live so close (about an hour and fifteen minutes) to me. Not all birth parents are able to live close to their child and family which can make open adoption a little more complex, but not impossible.

I have a few tips for those of you who are communicating across the miles.

Send your child cards, not only on holidays, but through out the year randomly for no real reason but just to let them know that you are thinking of them. Most kids love receiving mail and for some extra fun include some seasonal... more