In open adoptions, titles sometimes get confused. I’m not referring to the title of birthmother but the title of other people participating in an open adoption who do not have a blood relation. This issue has mainly come up in how Noah refers to Charlie’s sister, N, and Charlie’s adoptive mother, A.

Although N and Charlie don’t share the same birth mother they are siblings via adoption. They do share the same adoptive mother and obviously, Charlie and Noah share a birthmother thus making them siblings as well. However, N and Noah are technically not siblings either... more

I wish I knew of a location that had accurate information about the number of adoptions that begin as open arrangements, and later end up being closed. I am sure this happens all too often. Online in the forums I hear about many frustrated birthparents who have had their child’s open adoption closed on them, so many with out warning, or even a valid reason. I also hear many adoptive parents who have had birthparents drop out of their lives after what had seemed like a close relationship, often many years in the making. No matter who is doing the closing, birth or adoptive... more

My son’s birthday was last week and I was a bit disappointed that neither of his birth parents could make it for the party this year. His birthmom P did call though, and we had a short conversation about how everyone is doing. Each of us wished that being together for our son on his big day had been an option. I can only imagine how much more frustrating it will become, if and when she decides to return to her home country, and our contact becomes more difficult to maintain.

I am not quite sure how others in open adoptions keep the relationships solid when the families... more

I have learned many lessons since becoming a birthmother and this is just one of the many….

Last night, Charlie’s Adoptive Mom, A, called me to discuss something not adoption related that she saw on the news. We chatted for awhile after discussing that about other various things and then our conversation somehow turned to children’s names. She made the comment to me that I could have wanted to name Charlie “hot dog” and she probably would have agreed. Then of course, she said she wouldn’t have quite agreed to “hot dog” but she definitely would have been willing... more

Jenna at the Birthparent blog had a good post today in response to a reader’s question about contact and communication. Her reader wanted some suggestions about keeping contact flowing, and also wondered who most often initiates contact, and how both sides usually feel about the level of communication. As usual, Jenna gave some awesome answers and advice.

I admit communication glitches have been some of the more difficult issues in all of my children’s adoptions. Who we... more

A reader recently asked:

Do you have any advice for those of us who are newly participating in open adoptions?

Well of course, I have a few tips!

First of all, keep in mind that the relationship between adoptive parents and birth parents is just like any other type of relationship/friendship you may have. At times, it requires work and at other times it may become frustrating. You will have good times and bad times just like you do with any other relationship.

Secondly, go into the open adoption with an open mind and open... more

While chatting with some birthmother friends recently, we discovered that we all had similar New Year’s Resolutions of writing and mailing our child a letter once a month. I have attempted this in the past and although I have come close, I have never made it each month. So I was brainstorming some ways to make achieving this goal a little easier. Charlie loves receiving mail from me so I am really hoping that I can achieve this goal this year.

In order to make this goal easier to achieve, create a stationary box for yourself. You could use a photo box as they are a good size and pretty... more

It is still unseasonably warm here in the south, but it is beginning to cool down a tad. Hopefully full fledged autumn will descend upon us soon because I really don’t know how much more I can take of this seventy to eighty degree weather.

Fall has some great photo opportunities! I thought I’d take a minute to share some of those as there are many opportunities in which adoptive mothers (or parents – I just assume that the moms are the ones taking the most photos as that’s how it is in our family) could take some great photos of their child for their child’s birthmom.... more

You probably can’t read the words in that letter, but that is what I call my “love letter” to Charlie that I wrote when he was only a few days old, now hanging framed in his room.

Before Charlie was born, A (Charlie’s adoptive Mom) suggested that I write a letter to Charlie explaining why I had chosen adoption for him. It sounded like a daunting task but one that I knew I must and needed to do. Just two or three days after I had come home from the hospital, I sat down to write the letter. It was not easy, but I tried to just let the words come from the heart and flow instead... more

Many birthmothers, even those in open adoptions, write letters to their placed child. Some birthmothers find it healing and therapeutic. There’s really no right or wrong way to writing a letter to your child! Some birthmothers may write at the same time each month, such as the date their child was born while others may write only when and if they feel the need. Some may write on special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays. Some birthmothers may send the letter to their child right... more