In the decades of closed adoptions, adoptive parents could choose to put the emotional details of adoption aside to come back and deal with at some future time, perhaps when their child became an adult and wanted to connect to birthfamily. Of course we have also learned with time that the system and process of closed adoptions is one that did not work well for most people involved. Many people were not told details and as a result had many questions which their adoptive families also had no clear answers for.

In the open adoptions of... more

Mommy?

Yes honey. . .

You dopted me so that I was going to be taken care of right? So R could not take care of me cause she was getting into trouble but she did not think that I would get into trouble with you right?

Well I think she knew you would be taken care of. . .

So she was scared I would get into trouble with her?

I think she wanted you to be taken care of, I am not sure she thought she would be able to. . .

But... more

I received a topic request from a prospective adoptive mom.

”We are currently matched with an expectant mother. If she does follow through with placement, what is a good gift idea that I could bring to her in the hospital? I was thinking flowers would be nice to bring to her in the hospital, but wanted something more than just flowers.”

This is a good question, but before I dive in with suggestions, I must just remind adoptive parents that while gifts are nice and appreciated, they are not an obligation. No gift can compensate for the... more

Right around the holidays last year I had a relative ask me a crazy birthparent related question, “Doesn’t seeing THEM cause a problem?” I do not know what surprised me more, that she asked a question obviously showing she buys into the myth that open adoption equals a big problem, OR that she is also a grandmother of two adopted kids (and should there by be better educated right?). I believe I let her know that seeing our children’s birthfamilies “does not cause us any problem, did it cause her one?”

It’s amazing... more

Continued from Part One...

So down the road as my children grow, our open adoption arrangements may change and issues might evolve. How is it going to be when my children are older and begin to understand some of the differences in the contact they have with their own birthfamilies as compared to their siblings? What kind of challenges will this present for the whole family?

Right now I can only imagine how things... more

My co-blogger Coley just raised an interesting topic in her last post about adopted siblings with different birthparents, and how the relationships and contact level can vary. Having three children in open adoptions, all with different birthfamilies I wanted to address this from my own experience as well (and ok I was scratching my bottom brain trying to narrow in on a topic today).

It can be very challenging when you have more... more

I have to admit that I have not shared the fact that I am writing this blog. with the birthfamilies of my three children yet. On this point, right now anyway, I have not been so “open.” Oh I plan to share with them eventually, I guess I am just waiting for the moment when I feel it will be best heard. I want to feel like they are just as excited about what I am doing as I am, yet afraid they may be less than.

I had thought about sharing with everyone, right away, in fact I was very excited to share what I would be doing with anyone who would... more

A new birthmother recently asked this question:

My son's adoptive mom asked me last night what I wanted him to call me. What does your birthchild call you?

Well, he calls me Coley! And most of the other birthmoms I know, they are called by their first name too.

He does know that I am his birthmother and he has just recently begun to understand that and our relationship. He’s just beginning to grasp the fact that I am more than just a friend of the family, that I’m special to him and that... more