I received the following question from a reader who is an adoptive mom.

My son’s birthmom and her new husband are expecting a baby boy soon. I have saved a lot of the clothes my son wore as an infant. Do you think it would be ok to pass along some of these clothes to her? I don’t want to imply that she can’t afford to buy her baby clothes but these clothes are in excellent condition and I thought she might like to have them.

Let me start by reminding you that each birthmother is different. I can only explain how I would feel in this... more

I recently received this question from another birthmother.

“I moved and lost contact with my child’s adoptive parents. I didn’t write or call them and they don't have my new address, phone number, or email address. I just needed some space but I guess I went about it the wrong way. I really miss them and would like to re-connect. I still have all of their contact information, unless it has changed and I don’t know it.

I want to call, email, or write a letter but am scared. Do you have any advice?”

First of all, try not to be too hard... more

My daughter’s first birthday is coming up next month. Because of distance, our daughter’s birthmother will not be able to spend her birthday with us. I imagine (but don’t know for sure since I am not a birthmother) that this is going to be a very hard for day for her, so I’d like to do something special for her or send her a gift but I am at a loss as to what I should do or send. Do you have any suggestions?

First of all, you are right; children’s birthdays are one of the hardest days of the year a lot of birthmothers and while a gift can not... more

Below is a recent reader question.

“My (birth) daughter’s Christening is this weekend. I’ve been invited by her adoptive family and will be attending but I am a little nervous. There are going to be a lot of people there, around 80! Any advice for me? This is only the second time I will have seen my daughter since she left the hospital with her adoptive family.”

First of all, know that being a tad nervous and anxious is ok and perfectly normal. Six years later, I still get nervous butterflies before visits occasionally, especially if it is... more

Of course whenever a family begins the adoption process, they consider many things involved, and make decisions according to what they understand to be appropriate for their family. One of those considerations is the level of contact or openness they will choose to have with the birthfamily of their future child. While there is no right or wrong, every family makes a uniquely personal decision, openness as an option is often sadly downplayed, as a way to ease the fears adopting couples may have.

Some families may not know much about open adoption, and because of this they... more

Recently the talk has been about whether or not open adoption, and ongoing contact with birthfamily equates to the same level of commitment as does a marriage. To many this would appear to be a controversial concept. Although commitment is commitment in some minds, are open adoption and marriage really the same?

A marriage is a relationship formed out of mutual love between two parties. A man and a woman fall in love and legally express that commitment... more

One thing I have learned during my short time as a writer of open adoption bloggery is that when you think you have expressed something really good, people may not agree, they might not even be reading. On the other hand, when you think you pumped something out that might be lacking in interesting adoption matter, you... more

Most of the adoptive parents I have met in person are not what I would call, on the open adoption bandwagon. When I have brought up my own arrangements with my children’s birthfamilies, I am mostly met with shock or blank stares. The looks I get tell me that perhaps no one has ever fully explained the possibility of a really open adoption to them. No one has educated them to believe that they could consider it for their own situations.

I would say some of the fault here might rest with the agency that they adopted with. Not enough thought... more

I think anyone who truly understands even the basics of adoption also knows that the life long process is never without some pain and anguish. For many who came to understand this truth early on, open adoption seemed to offer a solution that could in some ways lessen the struggles and frustration for our children. Having an open adoption may have certain benefits for a child, but does being given so much information, so early on, also provide some additional issues for young minds?

In many ways openness can be beneficial, but for some while... more

When most families are expecting a new baby, they have the benefit of family history. With this comes a bit of an idea concerning possible personality, among other things, about their coming child. Of course even biological relatives can vary greatly in personality, but the likelihood of a good family “fit” is not as extreme as it can be when a child comes through adoption.

When a child joins a family through adoption, a predictable roadmap of disposition is no longer even a slight given for the expectant family. The child they welcome could... more