Spending time with and bonding with your child during a visit is one of the reasons for visiting isn’t it?

Below are a few ways that a birthmother and her child can bond during visits. 1. Get down on your child’s level and interact. If your child is small and still plays on the floor, get down on the floor and play with him or her. Grab one of his/her toys and engage him/her with the toy, stack blocks, play with dolls, etc. 2. If your child is still a baby, rock or sing to him or her. 3. Read to your child. I think reading is such a great... more

As I wrote in The First Visit post, visits can be exciting, a little bit scary, and overwhelming all at the same time. But as time goes on, they typically (at least for me) become less awkward and much more enjoyable.

However, there is always a chance for problems. Below are a few tips on how you can avoid and deal with any tension and problems that may come up during, before, and after your visits.

1. Always communicate! If something comes up or is said during a visit that makes... more

When most families are expecting a new baby, they have the benefit of family history. With this comes a bit of an idea concerning possible personality, among other things, about their coming child. Of course even biological relatives can vary greatly in personality, but the likelihood of a good family “fit” is not as extreme as it can be when a child comes through adoption.

When a child joins a family through adoption, a predictable roadmap of disposition is no longer even a slight given for the expectant family. The child they welcome could... more

Jan just wrote an excellent post entitled “What to call Us.” In her post, she talks about how adoptive parents should refer to us, birthmothers.

Whenever I am out in public somewhere with Charlie and his family, if we run into someone they know, A does not miss a beat. She introduces me as “Coley, Charlie’s birthmother.” She doesn’t say it in a shy kind of way, she says it proudly and with a lot of confidence. I’m thankful that she does that. Her saying it in a confident matter is teaching... more

A wonderful story with Omaha’s KETV 7 online shares the values that open adoption should and most often does provide to children and their birth and adoptive families. This is one story about giving a child more through open adoption, and in a loving, compassionate way.

The article tells of Jason and Tracy Fisher who adopted their daughter, Ava, now 3 through the services of Nebraska’s Children’s Home Society. The Fisher’s share a very... more

Visits with your birthchild are typically one of the highlights for a birthmother participating in an open adoption that includes visits. They give her an opportunity to bond with her child and spend time with the adoptive parents as well.

But, visits don’t just magically happen. They require a little work of both the birthparent(s) and the adoptive parent(s).

Some things to think about prior to a visit are and when planning a visit are listed below.

Scheduling ~ For most people spontaneous visits are not going to work. Jobs, family,... more

There are many, differing views on adoption, that is one of the few statements there could be little disagreement about. Birthparents see the issues inherent to adoption with their own unique perspective, adoptive parents often see many of the same issues very differently. When adoptees are grown and able to reflect on their own experience, the reactions also run the gamut.

One of the biggest problems in the adoption community, is the desire many seem to have to project their personal perspective and opinion onto others. It’s hard not to do with... more

I was curious as to when open adoption started, so I did a little searching and thought we all might could learn something from this little history lesson.

Before we can begin on the history of open adoption, we should begin with the very origin of adoption itself.

Adoptions began pretty informally. If a woman was pregnant and couldn’t care for her child or was too younger, her parents or elders in her family typically arranged the adoption. There was no signing of papers it was all verbally agreed upon and typically the adopting parents... more

In my recent posts, I have shared my personal story of finding support as well as online resources for you to find support. While online support is convenient, un-intimidating, and great, nothing beats the connection and intimacy of meeting another triad member like you face to face. Live support groups are a great place to meet other triad members.

There are different... more

I’ve been living in an open adoption for almost six years now (come this September) and I’ve gotten to know quite a few birthmothers and adoptive mothers over the years. I’ve seen some open adoptions flourish successfully and I’ve seen other open adoptions fail sadly.

I think our open adoption is going pretty smoothly and is successful. Sure, we have bumps along the road, but for the most part, things go smoothly.

Below is my advice to adoptive parents and birth parents who may be making an open adoption plan with one another.

Before... more