I know I am lucky in the fact that Charlie and his adoptive family live so close (about an hour and fifteen minutes) to me. Not all birth parents are able to live close to their child and family which can make open adoption a little more complex, but not impossible.

I have a few tips for those of you who are communicating across the miles.

Send your child cards, not only on holidays, but through out the year randomly for no real reason but just to let them know that you are thinking of them. Most kids love receiving mail and for some extra fun include some seasonal... more

I know that many discussions have occurred online about family preservation. The main feeling behind this is terminology that no child should be separated from their family of origin if they can be safely be cared for there, and whose parent (or parents) wish to raise them. I can’t argue with that belief under that context. If parents what to parent, and there is no evidence that a child might be abused or neglected, he or she should not be placed for adoption. No one who is capable, and not at risk to be abusive, should be forced to place a child. I think most... more

In my last post, I wrote about how the fourth of July once again has me missing my birth son. This holiday has reminded me of my loss of motherhood and the things that I am missing and am not doing with Charlie.

However, there are some things that I can do to cope. Others may be experiencing some holiday blues as well, so I will share my ideas with you.

Send your child a card. Yes, a fourth of July card might be a little cheesy, but it’s a great surprise... more

I think anyone who truly understands even the basics of adoption also knows that the life long process is never without some pain and anguish. For many who came to understand this truth early on, open adoption seemed to offer a solution that could in some ways lessen the struggles and frustration for our children. Having an open adoption may have certain benefits for a child, but does being given so much information, so early on, also provide some additional issues for young minds?

In many ways openness can be beneficial, but for some while... more

I almost forgot about the craft post for this month until a reader reminded me of it! This month’s craft is a very simple, fun, and easy craft that you could do yourself or you could do it with your child(ren).

I will be showing you how to embellish plain and inexpensive photo frames. Adoptive moms and their children could jazz up a simple frame for the child’s birthmother and birthmoms can make a fun frame to hold a special photo of themselves and their child. I made three different frames, all using the same method, but each different and... more

There really is a deep social stigma against anyone who places a child for adoption, and though perceptions may have changed over the decades, those negatives have certainly not completely gone away. Birthparents are often subjected to rude comments and perceptions that are judgmental and unfair. People might wonder aloud why anyone would “give away” their baby. What kind of person does something that most could never imagine doing? While I have begun to understand how hurtful society can be concerning birthparents, as the years progress on... more

In my last post I talked about Charlie’s sister, N, and how the contact in my relationship with Charlie and her relationship with her birthmother is totally different. Unfortunately, I can’t change the fact that N’s birthmother does not have much contact with her, but I can show her (N) my love for her.

N is a huge part of Charlie’s life and one of the reason why I chose S and A to be Charlie’s parents and N to be his sister. I had a little brother growing up and our relationship... more

I found this old, rather interesting postcard picture the other day, and initially I thought it had something to do with adoption. The picture, from 1913, is in fact a political satire about the current, moral issues of the time. The “Col. Roastwell” refers to President Theodore Roosevelt, and the artwork speaks to his favoring of immigration and large families. Some also attribute the comical drawing to the very real issues of oppression and human rights, in relation to immigrants, former slaves, and women. Obviously people also did not like immigration... more

I’ve mentioned how much I enjoy being with other birthmothers and how to find a live support group locally, but what do you do when there is not a support group in your area?

You can consider starting one! The task may seem daunting, but I’ve broken it up into some simple steps listed below.

These tips would work for creating a support group for any member group of... more

When we adopted our first child, and well before, somehow my husband and I just knew we could not take this child, any child, home and not want to keep them connected on some level to their birthfamily. This was not the most popular or understood decision with our friends and family however. Most of them could not understand why we would not want to just take our child home, and enjoy being parents without the constant reminders of how that came to pass. Looking back now, three open adoptions later, I think we can honestly say it is amazing we did not lose or resolve... more